Monday, June 26, 2006
Hello, men, don't you get it? Girls don't want to be led on. Don't kiss and promise things if you are not going to follow thru. Don't be cowards, we can take it, we are all adults. You are not into us, that's okay, there are other fish out there, and chances are we probably weren't that into you either, so just say goodnight, don't waste our time and our feelings!!
Some rules for the guys... to exit gracefully...
1. Just exit gracefully. Try saying "Good night, I had a nice time" or "Good night, it was nice meeting you"
2. Do NOT say, "I will call you", "let's get together again" or "Can't wait to see you again." if you have no intention of doing any of the above.
3. If you are on the fence about wanting to get together again, THIS IS OKAY. We might be on the fence too. So... say thank you, make NO mention of the next date, go home, process the date, obsess over it if you are an obsessing guy and then make the decision in the privacy of your own about your next move.
(Too many men tell me that the reason why they say "I will call you" and then wind up not calling is because in the moment, at the end of the date, they think that they are going to call, that they liked the girl and would like to go out again. However, when they get home and gain some distance and review the date, they decide that although the evening itself was a lot of fun, this girl specifically isn't really for them long-term, so they decide not to call. And they say, girls change their minds a lot!
This makes sense, and by all means, process the date and make a decision, just leave us out of that decision making process by making no promises to us! And yes, the sentence "I will call you" gets interpreted by a woman as a promise, every, single time!)
4. Believe me, I am a matchmaker and listen to all of this every single day, girls 100% prefer no mention of another date if you are not planning on calling over you saying you are going to call and then you don't. She doesn't want to go home, tell her friends or her parents that she had a great date, will definitely be seeing you again, only to be blown off by you.
5. Get comfortable with the notion that we girls will not die or even cry if you don't end the night with a promise of a call- we can handle this, we can. Just let us handle it.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
I spent the weekend realizing how much attention women need, especially from men. Did you ever notice how women's voices change when men are around, how they strike poses for the men, how they smile differently, and bat their eyelashes?
I am a woman so I guess I am guilty of it too but it's funny, very funny to watch other women doing it. One girl I met actually "struck a full on pose when she was chatting with two pf my guy friends and another girl, almost had a temper tantrum when she wasn't getting enough attention.
Guys.... good luck with the ladies- women are pretty difficult to figure out.
Here's so advice for paying attention in an effective way....
1. COMPLIMENT THEM. And then do it some more. Girls looooooooooooooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvve compliments
2. Choose very good complimenting words- words like "good" or "nice" DO NOT CUT IT! Girls like to hear that they look sexy, hot, gorgeous or stunning. Pick a word that will make them feel special.
3. Even better... when you compliment, don't just say "you look hot", say WHY she looks hot. Tell her that the bounce is sexy, her legs look awesome, that her eyes are sparkling. Girls like to know what specifically is making them stand out to you.
4. If you are spending time with a group of platonic girlfriends, as will happen a lot during the summer. DO NOT pick favorites! Make sure you dole out the compliments evenly to avid a cat fight a la Lindsay and Paris.
5. If you do have a favorite gal, as in one girl in particular that you are particularly hot for, make sure you compliment her VERY differently from the way you compliment your female friends. Your "special girl" can not be looking hot just the same as the four other girls on the vicinity. Pick a complimenting adjective just for your lady and don't use it to describe anyone else. Or you will be in the dog house all summer, trust me!
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Did you ever notice how grown adults act like 16 year old children as soon as they get off exit 70 of the LIE? I have become quite fascinated by the concept that people who claim that club life is so 5 years ago for them, clammer to get into places like the Pink Elephant and Stereo just because they are in the hamptons.
This weekend I saw 40 year old women practically prostituting themselves to get into clubs that had lines 500 deep of people who were very age inappropriate for them. And I saw men 45 to 50 years old begging for admittance, and trying unsuccessfully to give bouncers $400 to 500 to get passed that red rope. Hello people.... you don't need to go to these places that badly! You know that once you get inside, you hate being there, you are out of place and all you do is think about wanting to go home. And you wonder how its possible that you are this old and still doing the same thing you did when you were 20. Right?
I have given some thought as to why people feel this need to go to the crazy clubs until 5am. I think it's because they feel that if make the trek to the hamptons, pay all the money to rent the house and inconvenience themselves by sharing bathrooms and phone lines with strangers that the very least that should happen is a hookup. But does a hookup really help? If someone does hookup with an undesirable, an embarrassment or someone they never want to see again, does this really make someone feel better about themselves the day after? Does this change the fact that next weekend, they will need to pony up another 5 big ones to get into the place again? I don't think so.
So, some advice....
Find somewhere to go in the hamptons where you might have a fun time, a really fun time, not a poser fun time that you have to create thru illegal substances and excessive amounts of alcohol.
Pick people to spend time with in the hamptons whose company you enjoy regardless of the place.
Try to have fun and seem upbeat wherever you end up. People can sense negative energy and will be repelled by it.
Be smart with your time. If you arrive at a place at midnight, and the crowd outside the door is 400 people deep, the fire marshals truck is parked in the lot and you are not on the list to get in, DON'T BOTHER getting out of your car!
If you don't have any juice at a place, but for some reason you are dying to go- you need to get there realllllllllllllllllly early- even if you are the first person to arrive, this will give you better odds for admission.
And lastly, men have trouble getting into clubs in the hamptons unless they have a connection, a recognizable face or a very hot chick by their side. So... my advice, find a hot chick...
Thursday, June 1, 2006
Overstaying your welcome....
How much is too much? In the summertime, alot of people become freeloaders, the permanent guest, you know what i am talking about. Big debate this weekend in the hamptons- how do you ask to stay if you want to be a houseguest, how long can you stay and how can you ask someone to leave if they have been a mooch for too long? And the sitch of course gets all the more complicated if the visitor is a sexual playmate-- if he or she is sleeping in your bed and your bed is equipped for two- how can you really tell someone to leave? Let's discuss houseguest etiquette....
1. the houseguest should come armed with a gift- maybe a bottle of wine, maybe flowers, maybe a good book but something...
2. the houseguest should be ready, willing and able to sexually service the person he or she is visiting on command, well, maybe not on command, but often. After all why else would that person be willing to so readily share their bed?
3. The houseguest should treat you to at least one dinner during the course of the weekend.
4. The houseguest should feel comfy to stay for 2 days, but after the 2 days it should be the houseguests responsibility to broach the "should i leave question" and broach it in such a way that the person the houseguest is freeloading off of feels like he or she can say "time to go buddy" without being rude.
5. The houseguest should never hog the phone, computer or bathroom, nor should he flood the toilet.
6. The houseguest should offer help around the house whenever he or she sees fit whether this means handyman things or general house chores.
7. If the houseguest showed up unannounced, he or she should realize that perhaps there were other plans in place before his or her arrival and should not get upset if he or she can't be included.
On the flip side- the person housing the guest should keep in mind that the summer is casual, not everyone can be so lucky to have a place to vacation, that making new friends is always nice and playing outside one's comfort zone can always be interesting...