BAD MOVE, DUDES!

Time to vent. What is up with these men who think that it is right, normal even, to take a girl on a date, wine her, dine her, stay out with her for several hours, kiss her goodbye, on the lips, say they will call, not "soon" but actually "tomorrow" and then poof, they vanish, never to be heard from again? I am so sick of hearing this story.

Hello, men, don't you get it? Girls don't want to be led on. Don't kiss and promise things if you are not going to follow thru. Don't be cowards, we can take it, we are all adults. You are not into us, that's okay, there are other fish out there, and chances are we probably weren't that into you either, so just say goodnight, don't waste our time and our feelings!!

Some rules for the guys... to exit gracefully...

1. Just exit gracefully. Try saying "Good night, I had a nice time" or "Good night, it was nice meeting you"

2. Do NOT say, "I will call you", "let's get together again" or "Can't wait to see you again." if you have no intention of doing any of the above.

3. If you are on the fence about wanting to get together again, THIS IS OKAY. We might be on the fence too. So... say thank you, make NO mention of the next date, go home, process the date, obsess over it if you are an obsessing guy and then make the decision in the privacy of your own about your next move.

(Too many men tell me that the reason why they say "I will call you" and then wind up not calling is because in the moment, at the end of the date, they think that they are going to call, that they liked the girl and would like to go out again. However, when they get home and gain some distance and review the date, they decide that although the evening itself was a lot of fun, this girl specifically isn't really for them long-term, so they decide not to call. And they say, girls change their minds a lot!

This makes sense, and by all means, process the date and make a decision, just leave us out of that decision making process by making no promises to us! And yes, the sentence "I will call you" gets interpreted by a woman as a promise, every, single time!)

4. Believe me, I am a matchmaker and listen to all of this every single day, girls 100% prefer no mention of another date if you are not planning on calling over you saying you are going to call and then you don't. She doesn't want to go home, tell her friends or her parents that she had a great date, will definitely be seeing you again, only to be blown off by you.

5. Get comfortable with the notion that we girls will not die or even cry if you don't end the night with a promise of a call- we can handle this, we can. Just let us handle it.

Thoughts?

WOMEN NEED ATTENTION, BIG TIME!

I spent the weekend realizing how much attention women need, especially from men. Did you ever notice how women's voices change when men are around, how they strike poses for the men, how they smile differently, and bat their eyelashes?

I am a woman so I guess I am guilty of it too but it's funny, very funny to watch other women doing it. One girl I met actually "struck a full on pose when she was chatting with two pf my guy friends and another girl, almost had a temper tantrum when she wasn't getting enough attention.

Guys.... good luck with the ladies- women are pretty difficult to figure out.

Here's so advice for paying attention in an effective way....

1. COMPLIMENT THEM. And then do it some more. Girls looooooooooooooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvve compliments

2. Choose very good complimenting words- words like "good" or "nice" DO NOT CUT IT! Girls like to hear that they look sexy, hot, gorgeous or stunning. Pick a word that will make them feel special.

3. Even better... when you compliment, don't just say "you look hot", say WHY she looks hot. Tell her that the bounce is sexy, her legs look awesome, that her eyes are sparkling. Girls like to know what specifically is making them stand out to you.

4. If you are spending time with a group of platonic girlfriends, as will happen a lot during the summer. DO NOT pick favorites! Make sure you dole out the compliments evenly to avid a cat fight a la Lindsay and Paris.

5. If you do have a favorite gal, as in one girl in particular that you are particularly hot for, make sure you compliment her VERY differently from the way you compliment your female friends. Your "special girl" can not be looking hot just the same as the four other girls on the vicinity. Pick a complimenting adjective just for your lady and don't use it to describe anyone else. Or you will be in the dog house all summer, trust me!

HAMPTONS PARTYING UNTIL 5 AM!

Did you ever notice how grown adults act like 16 year old children as soon as they get off exit 70 of the LIE? I have become quite fascinated by the concept that people who claim that club life is so 5 years ago for them, clammer to get into places like the Pink Elephant and Stereo just because they are in the hamptons.

This weekend I saw 40 year old women practically prostituting themselves to get into clubs that had lines 500 deep of people who were very age inappropriate for them. And I saw men 45 to 50 years old begging for admittance, and trying unsuccessfully to give bouncers $400 to 500 to get passed that red rope. Hello people.... you don't need to go to these places that badly! You know that once you get inside, you hate being there, you are out of place and all you do is think about wanting to go home. And you wonder how its possible that you are this old and still doing the same thing you did when you were 20. Right?

I have given some thought as to why people feel this need to go to the crazy clubs until 5am. I think it's because they feel that if make the trek to the hamptons, pay all the money to rent the house and inconvenience themselves by sharing bathrooms and phone lines with strangers that the very least that should happen is a hookup. But does a hookup really help? If someone does hookup with an undesirable, an embarrassment or someone they never want to see again, does this really make someone feel better about themselves the day after? Does this change the fact that next weekend, they will need to pony up another 5 big ones to get into the place again? I don't think so.

So, some advice....

Find somewhere to go in the hamptons where you might have a fun time, a really fun time, not a poser fun time that you have to create thru illegal substances and excessive amounts of alcohol.

Pick people to spend time with in the hamptons whose company you enjoy regardless of the place.

Try to have fun and seem upbeat wherever you end up. People can sense negative energy and will be repelled by it.

Be smart with your time. If you arrive at a place at midnight, and the crowd outside the door is 400 people deep, the fire marshals truck is parked in the lot and you are not on the list to get in, DON'T BOTHER getting out of your car!

If you don't have any juice at a place, but for some reason you are dying to go- you need to get there realllllllllllllllllly early- even if you are the first person to arrive, this will give you better odds for admission.

And lastly, men have trouble getting into clubs in the hamptons unless they have a connection, a recognizable face or a very hot chick by their side. So... my advice, find a hot chick...

Thoughts??

Houseguest etiquette

Overstaying your welcome....

How much is too much? In the summertime, alot of people become freeloaders, the permanent guest, you know what i am talking about. Big debate this weekend in the hamptons- how do you ask to stay if you want to be a houseguest, how long can you stay and how can you ask someone to leave if they have been a mooch for too long? And the sitch of course gets all the more complicated if the visitor is a sexual playmate-- if he or she is sleeping in your bed and your bed is equipped for two- how can you really tell someone to leave? Let's discuss houseguest etiquette....

1. the houseguest should come armed with a gift- maybe a bottle of wine, maybe flowers, maybe a good book but something...

2. the houseguest should be ready, willing and able to sexually service the person he or she is visiting on command, well, maybe not on command, but often. After all why else would that person be willing to so readily share their bed?

3. The houseguest should treat you to at least one dinner during the course of the weekend.

4. The houseguest should feel comfy to stay for 2 days, but after the 2 days it should be the houseguests responsibility to broach the "should i leave question" and broach it in such a way that the person the houseguest is freeloading off of feels like he or she can say "time to go buddy" without being rude.

5. The houseguest should never hog the phone, computer or bathroom, nor should he flood the toilet.

6. The houseguest should offer help around the house whenever he or she sees fit whether this means handyman things or general house chores.

7. If the houseguest showed up unannounced, he or she should realize that perhaps there were other plans in place before his or her arrival and should not get upset if he or she can't be included.


On the flip side- the person housing the guest should keep in mind that the summer is casual, not everyone can be so lucky to have a place to vacation, that making new friends is always nice and playing outside one's comfort zone can always be interesting...

Thoughts....

Opposites attract? Or do they?

Most people pick a significant other with whom they have so many things in common that they are finishing each other’s sentences by the end of week one. While others prefer the opposites attract theory and find that one counterpart who always say “left" when they say “right”.

My theory as a matchmaker has always been to try to introduce people who have as many things in common as possible because I think that this will make it easier down the road. Furthermore, I have found that once the excitement of the differences wears off, those very differences often times can kill the relationship. However, some people are all for the opposites attract theory, so let's discuss...

Take for example Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz. It would appear that they are attracted to each other because of their differences. We have Penelope who prefers gourmet food and the European nightlife while Matthew who would rather be hanging out in ripped jeans and grabbing a cheeseburger, yet they have been together for quite some time.

How do differences like these affect a relationship? What are the warning signs that the differences are too great? And what can you do to make a relationship based on differences work? Here are some tips for making your opposites attract relationship stronger…

Be aware of your differences. Don’t pretend that they don’t exist because they will flare up eventually and at that point it might be too late to work through them.

If differences start causing issues between you, talk to your partner about them and try to figure out a medium ground.

When picking a mate it is okay to pick someone who is not your identical twin but don’t pick someone with so many divergent beliefs and interests that when the excitement wears off you have no basis for a relationship.

Take an interest in your significant other’s interests that you know nothing about; this way you can share that with him and this will demonstrate that you care about the things that he cares about.

Realize that it is okay to have some differences between you and its okay for there to be some alone time in the relationship. Perhaps it would be healthy for him to go camping with his buddies and you to go antiquing with yours.

REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS...

Jen and Vince ...

Are they in a Rebound relationship?

Inquiring minds want to know...???

Everyone knows what a rebound relationship is- it’s that relationship right after your heartbreak relationship with the one person who you were near obsessed with; its that relationship that is supposed to get you over the last one even though you know deep-down that nothing but time or killing yourself will really get you over it!

Usually your rebound person will be a person who makes you feel really good about yourself because at that moment, you are feeling like real crap and your self esteem is in the toilet.

Is a rebound relationship doomed? It might be. But it seems that alot of people don’t really care if the rebound is destined to fail because all they are looking for in the moment is a warm bed and some escape from their misery.

Let’s consider a couple that people have said are in a rebound relationship--- Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. Jennifer was heartbroken after Brad cheated on her with Angelina. Jennifer found solace in her friendship with Vince. Now they seem to be having more than a friendship. Is this a rebound relationship for her or the real McCoy? It seems like perhaps this rebound relationship is becoming the real deal- they have been together for awhile and are giving no indicators that they are moving on to other people.

Here are some questions you should ask yourself to help you figure out if your rebound relationship is just a rebound or if it has some legs for a longer lasting relationship...

1. How much time has passed since your last relationship?

If it ended yesterday, you probably aren’t in the proper mind set to fall in love again. (with Jen and Vince, a fair amount of time has passed since her breakup).

2. Do you have a real connection with this person and you really enjoy each other’s company or is the connection only sexual in nature?

(Jen and Vince were friends first so the fact that they took it to the next level might suggest a real bond as opposed to a rebound situation)

3. How long have you been rebounding with your rebound?

If its been more than 3 or 4 months, your rebound may have just become the real deal for you and you migh not have even noticed. Its okay for a rebound to grow into a real relationship as long as the relationship is based on something other than sex. (I would venture to say Jen and Vince have moved onto real relationship status by this point).

4. Are you only rebounding with this person to piss off your ex?

If pissing off your ex is the only reason for this association, eventually when your anger has worn off, you might realize that the rebound is only a rebound and the time has come to move on. (With Jen and Vince, perhaps Vince was a good guy with whome to piss off Brad since Vince and Brad were good friends. However, at this point, since Jen and Vince are still cozy, it seems she no longer is motivated by what Brad might think.)

5. Do you actually want to jump back into a relationship or are you just looking for help getting over the last one?

(Jennifer has stated that she wants to be in a relationship, plus she didn’t end her relationship with Brad which would suggest that she likes being in relationships)

6. Were you thoughtful in your choice to get involved with this person or did you just go for the first person that presented him or herself to you in an easy way?

(Jennifer and Vince spent a lot of time together on their movie so getting involved became easy. The future will tell us if they can stay together as they each go on to other things )

Thoughts?

PLAYING THE FIELD- NICK LACHEY...

When is it good for a single person to play the field, not focus on one person in particular, dating around?

When you just coming out of a relationship, you are getting over the breakup and you are so not ready to be with another person one-on-one again.

Take Nick Lachey for example, his and Jessica’s was quite an intense relationship. They got married, both their careers were soaring, they aired their dirty laundry to the world on reality TV. And it seems that Nick might still be smarting over the breakup. We all know that “breaking up is hard to do” especially in the public eye.

So, Nick is coping by dating several girls at once, perhaps each would like to be his main squeeze but he is not a’ choosing and probably won’t for quite awhile. Sometimes he hangs with Miss Kentucky, sometimes its Kristin Cavalleri and other times its grooving with Vanessa Minnillo and those are just the ones we know about.

I think Nick is doing the exact right thing by playing the field. However, he definitely needs to follow some playing the field etiquette so that he doesn’t get caught with his pants down, so to speak.

1. When playing the field, you need to be upfront with all the participants. You cannot have one gal thinking she is your special honey and then she reads that someone else is.

2. You need to put the kibash on the situation as soon as one of the participants gets too clingy or asks for too much- you don’t need to a stalker or an insanely jealous girl in your rotation.

3. You need to keep in mind why you are playing the field- to get over your ex and get to a place where you feel good about yourself and moving forward. Hence spend some time licking your wounds and understanding what went wrong in the past

4. Playing the field should not include playing with your ex. You can never move forward if you are stuck in the past.

5. Be open and ready to give up the field if and when someone really special turns up in your life.