The little things

Big things, they are easy to remember- when someone's birthday is, their favorite color, that they don't eat dairy. But what of the little things, the things people say in passing that you actually remember or the things you can do for someone else to show you care? Today people always seem to forget the little things even though the little things often times are the most obvious niceties out there. And the little things are the ones that people notice, are the things that make you different, and unique and more appealing when you are dating, more attractive than the masses.

Here are some examples of some sweet little things you can do when you are dating which will get you some major brownie points.

1. When going on a date with someone who has kids, ask him or her the kids names, ask to see photos of the kids and say that the kids are very cute (even if they are not!)

2. If you have a second or third date with that same person, remember to ask how his or her kids are doing and ask about them by name.

3. If you are both having coffee or tea and you are either at home serving it or at a swanky restaurant where they give you individual tea kettles, make sure to pour your dates cup of java first and then pour yours.

4. If the two of you are sharing food, serve your date first, always.

5. As a woman, when you are dating a man, it is nicer to plan an actual full evening where you are going to pay than to try to take the check and pay at the end of a date he planned.

6. If your date had trouble remembering something while you were out together that was important to him or her (like the name of one of his or her favorite movies.), it is nice to follow up afterwards with a cute email saying that you remembered the name. And it is even nicer to show up at the next date with that movie DVD as a gift.

7. If your date mentions that he or she has an important meeting the next day or even a few days later, it is very thoughtful if you remember the meeting and its approximate time of day and pop him or her an email afterwards and ask how the meeting went. It is good if you remember something specific about that meeting so your date felt like you were really interested in what he or she was sharing with you.

8. If your date mentions in passing that he or she would love to try a particular restaurant or that he or she hadn't been back to a certain restaurant in ages, it is very sweet to plan an outing to that place.

How picky is too picky?

Sometimes I wonder if people remain single because they are just too picky.

All I hear these days is..."I don't like the way he speaks, I don't like that he didn't pick me up, I didn't like that she answered her phone during the dinner."

"I didn't like that he picked a restaurant near his house, I didn't like that he picked a restaurant near my house, I didn't like that he picked the restaurant without asking me, I didn't like that he asked me to pick the restaurant."

"I didn't like his friends, he doesn't have enough friends, he has too many friends" and on and on and on.

For every good thing we find in someone, we tend to find 5 bad things at the same time. And if we keep focusing on the negative, we might just be alone forever.

Here are some tips on how you can be less picky:

-When you go on a date, instead of thinking about what you didn't like about him or her, think about what you did like.

-When you find something you don't like about a person, think about whether that thing is really a deal breaker for you or are you being too picky.

-Think back about how many times you have run into a guy or a girl who you nixed immediately who is now happily married, looks "pretty normal" from a distance and you walked away thinking that maybe you were too impetuous with "that one". If this has happened often, think about not letting it happen again.

-Legitimate deal breakers are things like differences in values, religious differences, lack of sexual chemistry and drinking and drug issues.

-"Legimitate pickiness" is cutting him off because he is a half inch shorter than the height you tend to date or because she has C cups instead of D cups!

-If you are unsure whether or not you are being too picky, "phone a friend", an honest and direct one and ask his or her opinion.

-Keep in mind that no one is ever going to be perfect. Not even you!

Dating joke- pretty funny

Choosing a wife
>
>
>A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among
>three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and
>watches to see what they do with the money.
>
>The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon
>gets
>her
>hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very
>nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more
>attractive for him because she loves him so much.
>
>The man was impressed.
>
>The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set
>of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive
>clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent
>all the money on him because she loves him so much.
>
>Again, the man is impressed.
>
>The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several
>times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the
>remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for
>their future because she loves him so much.
>
>Obviously, the man was impressed.
>
>The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the
>money he'd given her.
>
>Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
>
>Men are like that, you know.

Valentine's Day aftermath...

Valentine's Day- the holiday for lovers. Girls look forward to it, hoping they will have a date, wishing that their beau will step up this year and discover the real definition of romance.

Men dread it- they know that chances are, whatever they do, whatever they buy, isn't going to be right, good enough, or what their lady is fantasizing about. And then the day after, relief coupled with thoughts of breakups or thoughts of love.

I am in Aspen skiing right now and I rode the gondola up the mountain with a couple who was arguing about Valentine's Day. They didn't celebrate it because the guy was stuck and work, they were arguing about it. He was promising to "do better" next year and she was threatening that she had his credit card number and would buy herself her own present.

I, being the budinsky that I am, chimed in (after all the ride up the mountain is a good 20 minutes) and pointed out that they could just celebrate valentine's Day on another day- maybe next week or March, in April or maybe even in July. I pointed out that Valentine's Day doesn't have to be just about a specific date n the calendar, it can just be about the symbolism of remembering those around you, find a time, an excuse to be romantic. They kind of looked at me funny- maybe because they didn't want me interfering in their fight and then because it seemed like they gave what I was saying some thought. I pushed on. I looked at him pointedly and said that perhaps he could try to come up with a spontaneous unexpected romantic gesture he could do for his woman on a day that she wasn't expecting it and on a day that he had time to focus. He shrugged and seemed to think that this could be a reasonable idea. And then I smiled understandingly at her and said that guys sometimes like to do this on their own time, in their own way, not just when "they are supposed to." She seemed to buy that explanation as well.

The moral of the story... Romance can happen anytime, in anyway. Its about being thoughtful, small gestures and taking the time to think about your significant other and what you could do with them or for them that would show them that you really care, show them that you took time out of your busy schedule to focus on them.

Its not about how much money you spend or how elaborate the gesture is, its about the gift or gesture itself and how in tune it is with what will make your partner happy.

Think 1 Hershey kiss on someone's pillow when they get out of the shower on a random morning. Purple tulips instead of red roses or cooking a dinner with all of his or her favorite foods on the menu with their favorite music playing in the background.

This is romance.

Is she an astronut or an astronaut?

Of course I needed to blog about this crazy in love astronaut. Have you been following the news about her? This woman is looney tunes, right? Or is she just really in love? Love makes us do crazy things, uncontrollable things. But does love make most of us don a diaper and drive 9 hours to pepper spray "our competition"? Probably not. But, have most of us, myself included gone a little nutty at least one time in our lives all in the name of love? Absolutely.

So why does love make us act this way? And when we step over the line like the Astronut, I mean astronaut did, is it no longer love, it is now obsession?
Scientists will actually tell you that obsessive love behavior might not be our faults. There is a chemical in our bodies called dopamine and some people call it is the "love" chemical. When you feel that surge of love or attraction to someone, dopamine gets released through your body then you feel that giddiness, a high if you will. Dopamine can and does contribute to that an irrational
feeling of attraction that can and does overcome the lives of some people. Seems like our astaunut got an extra gigantic surge of dopamine!

What makes people fall "head over heels" in love?
For many people it's chemistry, that indescribable feeling of connection, the intangible that draws two people together in a cosmic, not able to fight it way. In my matchmaking business, I put people together paying attention to commonalities- if they have the same hobbies, if they will find the same things funny, if they will find the same things annoying, if they have similar values. And then I also pay close attention to what they say they are physically attracted to. But the one thing I cannot account for, ever, is chemistry; chemistry is unpredictable and sometimes it happens between the most unlikely of people.

So... Do we condemn our Astronut? The woman's in love, serious, obsessive love. We have all felt it, but have we acted on it?
Have we become stalkers?
Sometimes even the most normal of people go a little crazy in the name of love. However, just a word for the wise... if your stalking involves not using a toilet or wearing a Halloween costume in any other month but October, you probably have taken it a bit too far.....

An interview about Matchbook

Samantha on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson