THE VACATION HOOKUP

Just came back from the Sundance film festival. It’s like summer camp. People party until 3 am, randomly hook up with people and make new best friends who they can’t live without in Utah and who they never talk to again back in their home town. While there, I became fascinated with the vacation hookup… I watched it unfold in Aspen over Christmas and New Years and I watched it continue in Sundance. Do we think that the vacation hookup can be anything other than a hookup? And I have been wondering why everyone is so comfortable randomly fooling around when they are on vaca. Or does this happen everywhere, all the time, and its just more pronounced on holiday?

Here are my thoughts… If you meet someone on vacation, you run into some stumbling blocks right away- you are probably traveling with a friend who you can’t ditch so then it becomes difficult to have a “proper date’ and becomes easier just to meet up later in the evening; well later in the evening implies sexual activities full stop. Secondly, you run into the person you meet on vacation every friggin’ place you go- you go to the bathroom in the ski lodge, there he is, waiting to pee too, you run into the bank to use the cash machine, he just did it too, you were invited to that super exclusive party, guess what so was he! So… it becomes like you are living with him, when you barely know him, its very different from when you live in your home town that is large and has lots going on and its very rare that you have random encounters. Third, what happens if you meet more than one interesting person on the vaca, how do you juggle especially when you run into both or all of them practically everywhere you go? And lastly, what happens if you meet this terrific person on day 1 of a 10 day vacation, does he or she become your boyfriend or girlfriend for the whole vacation? But if he or she doesn’t, he or she will probably wind up hating you because he or she will see you interacting with other people.

Vacation romance is harddddd!

So, here is some advice if you did have a vaca encounter and you are trying to salvage it….

Don’t hold what happened on vaca against the person unless he or she did something extraordinarily crappy to you like fooling around with your best friend the night after he or she fooled around with you, or he making out with another person right in your face.

Acknowledge that vaca romance is complicated and if the person reaches out when you get home, give him or her a chance in the normal environs- he or she might prove to be okay back home.

Realize when a vaca romance was only that, a fun holiday fling and don’t push something that you know deep down is not for you like a romance with a 25 year old player who is not looking for a relationship.

Don’t despair if your vaca romance didn’t amount to anything, be happy that you had a fun trip and be happy that it’s a new year, full of possibilities.

Thoughts?

Love, Hollywood style.

Love, Hollywood style.

Some would say that love in La la land is near impossible to maintain. The paparazzi follows your every move, the tabloids report mistruths that upset the romance applecart, and the temptation quotient is off the charts. However there are some quintessionial old time Hollywood couples who have bucked all the trends and who epitomize true Hollywood romance. What do these stars do differently than all the others, and why have their relationships been able to sustain the test of time? Let’s a take look at a few of your favorite Hollywood super couples who believe in love…

Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw- They met when Capshaw auditioned for a part in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. They married in 91, and have since had five children. Spielberg is one of the most prolific director/producers of our time and Capshaw is very supportive of his success. With her quiet elegance, she remains in the background, acting as a devoted cheerleader in all facets of Spielberg’s life. She even converted to Judaism early on to make family life more cohesive for their children. With five kids in the house, Capshaw wears the role of mother and wife more than as an actress these days and seems quite satisfied in that role. It seems that this marriage works because Spielberg and Capshaw have been able to find the perfect balance between home and Hollywood life and the perfect balance between the spotlight and staying behind the scenes. This couple respects one another and always makes time for family. As we can see from this couple, sometimes in Hollywood marriages, it’s best to have the ying and the yang.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver- A very unlikely couple who have proven that their marriage can successfully sustain the test of time. As is common knowledge by now, Shriver is from a very well known and staunchly Democratic family, while Schwarzenegger is a republican who grew up in working class family in Austria. Shriver was drawn to him because he could stand his ground with her family which was not surprising considering he was once dubbed the strongest man in America. They met in 1986, and married soon thereafter. They have 4 children together and both take family very seriously. Upon their marriage they were both working and high powered, but more recently Shriver has stepped down and has taken a back seat to Schwarzenegger’s governorship; she seemed to know instinctively that this was vital to their marriage. This couple truly knows how to support each other and make a marriage work.

Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins. They met in 1988 and have 2 children together, though they have never tied the knot. She acts and he acts and directs. And she is 12 years older than he is! They bond over their anti-war beliefs, they devotion to the family (Robbins drove to NY from LA on Sept 11 to be with Sarandon and the kids and to make sure that they were okay.). They seem to really respect each other and to have a deep connection that helps their relationship sustain the test of time.

Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks- Some would say that this couple is the perfect Hollywood couple. They first met in 1981 on the set of Bosom Buddies and then reunited on the set of Volunteers in 1985. They married in 1988, a first marriage for her and a second marriage for Hanks after his first wife had passed away. They have 2 kids together. Hanks is one of the most sought after male talents in all of Hollywood, Wilson seems to stick to more of the Indy projects and allows Tom to shine. Their ability to stay out of the limelight except when necessary is probably one of the key factors in keeping their marriage so strong.

Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn- a favorite Hollywood couple. They acted together in Overboard, fell in love but never got married and have been together forever and ever. They have one child together and 3 separately. Their low key attitude and mutual admiration seems to keep them together and on the right course.

Michael Douglas and Katherine Zeta Jones- They are the most elegant couple in Hollywood. They met at the Deauville Film festival in 1998, started dating in March of 99, got engaged New Years Eve of 99 and married in November of 2000. They share the same birthday although there is a 25 year age difference between them. And since 2000 they have had 2 children together. This glamour couple’s marriage seems to work because Douglas has already become a Hollywood icon so he can now sit back and although his wife’s star to shine. Sometimes when two people are vying for success and attention at the same time, egos get involved and things crash and burn. Douglas will always be famous and a box office topper, so he no longer need or cares about the press attention. He realizes that it’s his wife’s turn and you can tell that he is very proud and very supportive.

Some good rules...

1. Have an arsenal of backup dating conversation topics: where you last traveled, a funny childhood story, or your favorite new restaurant.

2. A man needs to know that a woman is willing to have children even though he doesn’t want her to be desperate to have them immediately. This is a fine line, learn to walk it well.

3. People who use dating services are not desperate, they are busy and desirous of getting married.

4. Men like women who go out on a flirtatious limb, and do something like send them is an unexpected email or take them for an evening out on the town.

5. Even beautiful sexy women get nervous before dates.

6. Always wear matching bras and underwear, you never know who is going to see them.

7. It doesn’t matter if a man can pick a great date place. At the end of the day it’s more important that he’s willing to go to the places you pick out since when you are married, women usually wind up making all the social plans.

8. Men who come from picture-perfect families can have very high expectations for their own relationships. Keep this in mind as you date and try to get this man to live in the present instead of his childhood past.

9. Men who come from divorced families are not always dysfunctional. A lot of times they want to have a better marriage than their parents had, and they will work harder for that.

10. Men like pretty, well-kept women, this is a fact. You need to do the very best with what you have.

11. You get invited, you go; that’s what my Grandmother taught me.

12. Answering your cell phone several times during a date is inappropriate. If you need to answer you phone, the polite thing to do is tell your date that you will need to do this at the beginning of the date so he or she doesn’t take it personally.

13. If you are in a bad mood, you are better off canceling the date.

14. If you are rude to wait-staff, your date will think it’s just a matter of time before you are equally rude to them.

DATING IN JANUARY...

Happy New Year.

I just got back from a very interesting and soap opera like vacation in Aspen Colorado. Stay tuned for several installments of Dating and Mating in Aspen this week and next...

But in the meantime… Some tips for getting back on the dating horse in January….

1. Go out even when it’s freezing outside but stay in the neighborhood- if you are feeling lazy you better believe other people are as well.

2. Organize interesting get-togethers during the winter months. There are not as many social events this time a year so you have to make your own fun.

3. Use the next few weeks of football playoffs and the Super Bowl as an excuse to socialize.

4. Remind people in your life that you are single and would like to have someone to cuddle up with, so they should keep you in mind.

5. Think about taking a ski vacation- 'tis the season and do something fun and outdoorsy is a great way to meet someone.

6. Go to a movie in the afternoon- in the winter people do this.

7. Try online dating – you know you have been thinking about doing it. If you are already doing it, redo your profile- give it a sprucing- if you say something different you might attract different people or think about trying a completely new site, they are plenty of them out there.

8. Walk to work on a different route- if you vary things up you might see new people.

9. Update your hairstyle, making a change, however so slight, this could shake things up a bit.

10. Cut bait with that guy or girl who has been lingering in your life and who you know is not right for you; it’s a new year, its time to move on.

11. Do something daring; you will feel like a new you!

12. Go to a party that you don’t want to go to, you might be surprised with who is there.

13. Make a new friend; friends are a great way of meeting new people of the opposite sex.

14. Call an old friend who you haven’t spoken to in awhile and make plans to see them. Connecting with someone from the past feels good and you might be surprised that they might know someone interesting for you.

15. Come out of the closet if you are gay- it’s about time, isn’t it?

16. Have sex in a new position or in a daring place- how exhilarating!