Monday, February 19, 2007

Valentine's Day aftermath...

Valentine's Day- the holiday for lovers. Girls look forward to it, hoping they will have a date, wishing that their beau will step up this year and discover the real definition of romance.

Men dread it- they know that chances are, whatever they do, whatever they buy, isn't going to be right, good enough, or what their lady is fantasizing about. And then the day after, relief coupled with thoughts of breakups or thoughts of love.

I am in Aspen skiing right now and I rode the gondola up the mountain with a couple who was arguing about Valentine's Day. They didn't celebrate it because the guy was stuck and work, they were arguing about it. He was promising to "do better" next year and she was threatening that she had his credit card number and would buy herself her own present.

I, being the budinsky that I am, chimed in (after all the ride up the mountain is a good 20 minutes) and pointed out that they could just celebrate valentine's Day on another day- maybe next week or March, in April or maybe even in July. I pointed out that Valentine's Day doesn't have to be just about a specific date n the calendar, it can just be about the symbolism of remembering those around you, find a time, an excuse to be romantic. They kind of looked at me funny- maybe because they didn't want me interfering in their fight and then because it seemed like they gave what I was saying some thought. I pushed on. I looked at him pointedly and said that perhaps he could try to come up with a spontaneous unexpected romantic gesture he could do for his woman on a day that she wasn't expecting it and on a day that he had time to focus. He shrugged and seemed to think that this could be a reasonable idea. And then I smiled understandingly at her and said that guys sometimes like to do this on their own time, in their own way, not just when "they are supposed to." She seemed to buy that explanation as well.

The moral of the story... Romance can happen anytime, in anyway. Its about being thoughtful, small gestures and taking the time to think about your significant other and what you could do with them or for them that would show them that you really care, show them that you took time out of your busy schedule to focus on them.

Its not about how much money you spend or how elaborate the gesture is, its about the gift or gesture itself and how in tune it is with what will make your partner happy.

Think 1 Hershey kiss on someone's pillow when they get out of the shower on a random morning. Purple tulips instead of red roses or cooking a dinner with all of his or her favorite foods on the menu with their favorite music playing in the background.

This is romance.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

Is she an astronut or an astronaut?

Of course I needed to blog about this crazy in love astronaut. Have you been following the news about her? This woman is looney tunes, right? Or is she just really in love? Love makes us do crazy things, uncontrollable things. But does love make most of us don a diaper and drive 9 hours to pepper spray "our competition"? Probably not. But, have most of us, myself included gone a little nutty at least one time in our lives all in the name of love? Absolutely.

So why does love make us act this way? And when we step over the line like the Astronut, I mean astronaut did, is it no longer love, it is now obsession?
Scientists will actually tell you that obsessive love behavior might not be our faults. There is a chemical in our bodies called dopamine and some people call it is the "love" chemical. When you feel that surge of love or attraction to someone, dopamine gets released through your body then you feel that giddiness, a high if you will. Dopamine can and does contribute to that an irrational
feeling of attraction that can and does overcome the lives of some people. Seems like our astaunut got an extra gigantic surge of dopamine!

What makes people fall "head over heels" in love?
For many people it's chemistry, that indescribable feeling of connection, the intangible that draws two people together in a cosmic, not able to fight it way. In my matchmaking business, I put people together paying attention to commonalities- if they have the same hobbies, if they will find the same things funny, if they will find the same things annoying, if they have similar values. And then I also pay close attention to what they say they are physically attracted to. But the one thing I cannot account for, ever, is chemistry; chemistry is unpredictable and sometimes it happens between the most unlikely of people.

So... Do we condemn our Astronut? The woman's in love, serious, obsessive love. We have all felt it, but have we acted on it?
Have we become stalkers?
Sometimes even the most normal of people go a little crazy in the name of love. However, just a word for the wise... if your stalking involves not using a toilet or wearing a Halloween costume in any other month but October, you probably have taken it a bit too far.....