Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Opposites attract? Or do they?

Most people pick a significant other with whom they have so many things in common that they are finishing each other’s sentences by the end of week one. While others prefer the opposites attract theory and find that one counterpart who always say “left" when they say “right”.

My theory as a matchmaker has always been to try to introduce people who have as many things in common as possible because I think that this will make it easier down the road. Furthermore, I have found that once the excitement of the differences wears off, those very differences often times can kill the relationship. However, some people are all for the opposites attract theory, so let's discuss...

Take for example Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz. It would appear that they are attracted to each other because of their differences. We have Penelope who prefers gourmet food and the European nightlife while Matthew who would rather be hanging out in ripped jeans and grabbing a cheeseburger, yet they have been together for quite some time.

How do differences like these affect a relationship? What are the warning signs that the differences are too great? And what can you do to make a relationship based on differences work? Here are some tips for making your opposites attract relationship stronger…

Be aware of your differences. Don’t pretend that they don’t exist because they will flare up eventually and at that point it might be too late to work through them.

If differences start causing issues between you, talk to your partner about them and try to figure out a medium ground.

When picking a mate it is okay to pick someone who is not your identical twin but don’t pick someone with so many divergent beliefs and interests that when the excitement wears off you have no basis for a relationship.

Take an interest in your significant other’s interests that you know nothing about; this way you can share that with him and this will demonstrate that you care about the things that he cares about.

Realize that it is okay to have some differences between you and its okay for there to be some alone time in the relationship. Perhaps it would be healthy for him to go camping with his buddies and you to go antiquing with yours.

Monday, May 8, 2006


Jen and Vince ...

Are they in a Rebound relationship?

Inquiring minds want to know...???

Everyone knows what a rebound relationship is- it’s that relationship right after your heartbreak relationship with the one person who you were near obsessed with; its that relationship that is supposed to get you over the last one even though you know deep-down that nothing but time or killing yourself will really get you over it!

Usually your rebound person will be a person who makes you feel really good about yourself because at that moment, you are feeling like real crap and your self esteem is in the toilet.

Is a rebound relationship doomed? It might be. But it seems that alot of people don’t really care if the rebound is destined to fail because all they are looking for in the moment is a warm bed and some escape from their misery.

Let’s consider a couple that people have said are in a rebound relationship--- Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. Jennifer was heartbroken after Brad cheated on her with Angelina. Jennifer found solace in her friendship with Vince. Now they seem to be having more than a friendship. Is this a rebound relationship for her or the real McCoy? It seems like perhaps this rebound relationship is becoming the real deal- they have been together for awhile and are giving no indicators that they are moving on to other people.

Here are some questions you should ask yourself to help you figure out if your rebound relationship is just a rebound or if it has some legs for a longer lasting relationship...

1. How much time has passed since your last relationship?

If it ended yesterday, you probably aren’t in the proper mind set to fall in love again. (with Jen and Vince, a fair amount of time has passed since her breakup).

2. Do you have a real connection with this person and you really enjoy each other’s company or is the connection only sexual in nature?

(Jen and Vince were friends first so the fact that they took it to the next level might suggest a real bond as opposed to a rebound situation)

3. How long have you been rebounding with your rebound?

If its been more than 3 or 4 months, your rebound may have just become the real deal for you and you migh not have even noticed. Its okay for a rebound to grow into a real relationship as long as the relationship is based on something other than sex. (I would venture to say Jen and Vince have moved onto real relationship status by this point).

4. Are you only rebounding with this person to piss off your ex?

If pissing off your ex is the only reason for this association, eventually when your anger has worn off, you might realize that the rebound is only a rebound and the time has come to move on. (With Jen and Vince, perhaps Vince was a good guy with whome to piss off Brad since Vince and Brad were good friends. However, at this point, since Jen and Vince are still cozy, it seems she no longer is motivated by what Brad might think.)

5. Do you actually want to jump back into a relationship or are you just looking for help getting over the last one?

(Jennifer has stated that she wants to be in a relationship, plus she didn’t end her relationship with Brad which would suggest that she likes being in relationships)

6. Were you thoughtful in your choice to get involved with this person or did you just go for the first person that presented him or herself to you in an easy way?

(Jennifer and Vince spent a lot of time together on their movie so getting involved became easy. The future will tell us if they can stay together as they each go on to other things )


Thursday, May 4, 2006


When is it good for a single person to play the field, not focus on one person in particular, dating around?

When you just coming out of a relationship, you are getting over the breakup and you are so not ready to be with another person one-on-one again.

Take Nick Lachey for example, his and Jessica’s was quite an intense relationship. They got married, both their careers were soaring, they aired their dirty laundry to the world on reality TV. And it seems that Nick might still be smarting over the breakup. We all know that “breaking up is hard to do” especially in the public eye.

So, Nick is coping by dating several girls at once, perhaps each would like to be his main squeeze but he is not a’ choosing and probably won’t for quite awhile. Sometimes he hangs with Miss Kentucky, sometimes its Kristin Cavalleri and other times its grooving with Vanessa Minnillo and those are just the ones we know about.

I think Nick is doing the exact right thing by playing the field. However, he definitely needs to follow some playing the field etiquette so that he doesn’t get caught with his pants down, so to speak.

1. When playing the field, you need to be upfront with all the participants. You cannot have one gal thinking she is your special honey and then she reads that someone else is.

2. You need to put the kibash on the situation as soon as one of the participants gets too clingy or asks for too much- you don’t need to a stalker or an insanely jealous girl in your rotation.

3. You need to keep in mind why you are playing the field- to get over your ex and get to a place where you feel good about yourself and moving forward. Hence spend some time licking your wounds and understanding what went wrong in the past

4. Playing the field should not include playing with your ex. You can never move forward if you are stuck in the past.

5. Be open and ready to give up the field if and when someone really special turns up in your life.