Tuesday, April 3, 2007

The Break-up or the Blow-off?

You go out on a few dates. You decide, "she's not for you, you are not attracted to him." And then comes the hard part, do you blow her off, just never call her again and leave her wondering why? Or Do you call him and tell him you are blowing him off? And if you do call her to tell her you are blowing her off, do you tell her the truth as to why or do you tell her a little white lie, the old, "its not you, its me" line to spare her feelings. Let me tell you, every dater out there grapples over this very question.

And the truth is there is no right answer, some people want to be blown off face to face or phone to phone because they want to know for sure that it's over. They don't want to be wondering day after day if they might hear from you one more time. But others, well others, they prefer to "take the hint", you don't call, obviously you aren't interested. And a lot of people don't want to be rejected to their face. What I have heard as a matchmaker is that if there were a guarantee that the face to face blow off would incorporate the truth as to why, they would choose to hear it. However, if the blow off is just going to be some lame excuse, they would rather not hear it.

Here are some break up rules....

1. If you are going to do the face to face break up, you need to do it within one week of the last time you saw the person. You can't let four weeks pass and then decide to log in a call out of guilt. Chances are the person has moved on and doesn't want a break up call just to assuage your guilt.

2. Only consider doing the face to face break-up if you are dating someone who can handle it. Don't reject someone face to face who has low self esteem and who might "lose it" from being rejected.

3. Keep in mind that "it's not you, it's me" is the oldest excuse in the book and the person you are breaking up with might not let you off the hook on that excuse.

4. If you break up face to face, be prepared for the person you are breaking up with to ask you the real reason why and if they ask, out of respect you should tell them.

5. If you are a guy breaking up with a woman, don't EVER say that the reason you are breaking up with her has to do with her looks or her body even if this the case. No woman wants to hear this or can handle hearing this. Don't do it!

6. If you are a woman, breaking up with a man, don't EVER say that the reason you are breaking up with him has to do with the size of his "you know what" or his performance in bed, he cannot handle hearing this! Don't do it.

7. If you are vacillating over to break up or to blow off, err on the blow off, its easier for most people to handle.