Many Happy Returns

For most people in New York, one look at the jam packed outdoor tables at Da Silvano and Pastis and they know that summer is fast approaching. However for me, the true sign of summer is when I receive my first invitation to a swanky pre-Hamptons soiree. I attended one such event last week at a new venue in the city called Myst. The weather was decent, so the ladies sported their new summer duds- graphic black and white patterned outfits, asymmetrical bold-colored satin cocktail dresses, lucite necklaces and platform espadrilles sandals. The place was primarily populated with single people; catching up with old Hamptons friends, reminiscing about summers past, making new contacts and trying to score invitations to the first bashes of the summer.

As I wandered around, I couldn’t help but overhear much of the chatter about the Hamptons-buzz about whether Nello and Red bar would be trendy again, guesses as to whether Saracen had really been replaced by Philippe, the Mr. Chow spin-off, and gossip about who had gotten married, who had broken up and who had gotten their noses done. At first glance, everyone seemed excited about heading out east once again. But then, upon closer inspection, I noticed that quite a few party revelers who, once upon a time, loved the Hamptons, now seemed almost depressed by the prospect of spending another summer out there.. I heard statements like “I never thought that I would be single again in the Hamptons,” “I vowed that I would never again share a bathroom with 4 people,” “I hate the Hamptons; I can’t believe I have to spend another summer out there.” The anxiety and despair of these people was palpable and it made me sad because I truly love the Hamptons, its one of my favorite places in the world.

So, if you are one of those people who need to rediscover your Hamptons mojo, here’s some advice about how to you can approach this summer a little differently.

1. Expand your social circle. Meeting new types of people can help you find new love possibilities.

2. Check out some non- trendy places for a change. Some of the best places in the Hamptons are places that have been around for many years like the Driver’s Seat and The Lobster Roll.

3. Throw a party. Don’t just wait around to be invited, do the inviting. Host and Hostesses get a lot of attention!

4. Take a Friday or a Monday off and have a long weekend in the Hamptons. You will miss the traffic this way and you will meet a different group of people than those you see on Saturdays and Sundays.

5. Experience the scenic part of the Hamptons- the ponds, the vineyards and the beaches. This will help you remember how beautiful it all is.

6. Bring a friend with you who has never been before and look at it all thru her eyes. By doing this you will remember that only a small group of us truly fortunate people get to vacation in this summer playground.

7. Enjoy the days- tennis, volleyball, waterskiing, biking, and swimming. If you focus only on the nighttime activities, you will surely burn out.

8. Think positively about what you hope to get out of this summer whether it’s new friends, a significant other or an improved golf game and make it happen for yourself.

Funny...How to Say I Love You in 25 places

English--I Love You

Spanish--Te Amo

French--Je T'aime

German--lch Liebe Dich

Japanese--Ai Shite Imasu

Italian--Ti Amo

Chinese--Wo Ai Ni

Swedish--Jag Alskar

Alabama, Arkansas
Kansas, Oklahoma
Texas, North Carolina
South Carolina, Georgia
Tennessee, Idaho
Missouri, Mississippi
Montana, Louisiana
Virginia,West Virginia
Kentucky,
parts of Florida

Nice Ass, Get in the truck

The Break-up or the Blow-off?

You go out on a few dates. You decide, "she's not for you, you are not attracted to him." And then comes the hard part, do you blow her off, just never call her again and leave her wondering why? Or Do you call him and tell him you are blowing him off? And if you do call her to tell her you are blowing her off, do you tell her the truth as to why or do you tell her a little white lie, the old, "its not you, its me" line to spare her feelings. Let me tell you, every dater out there grapples over this very question.

And the truth is there is no right answer, some people want to be blown off face to face or phone to phone because they want to know for sure that it's over. They don't want to be wondering day after day if they might hear from you one more time. But others, well others, they prefer to "take the hint", you don't call, obviously you aren't interested. And a lot of people don't want to be rejected to their face. What I have heard as a matchmaker is that if there were a guarantee that the face to face blow off would incorporate the truth as to why, they would choose to hear it. However, if the blow off is just going to be some lame excuse, they would rather not hear it.

Here are some break up rules....

1. If you are going to do the face to face break up, you need to do it within one week of the last time you saw the person. You can't let four weeks pass and then decide to log in a call out of guilt. Chances are the person has moved on and doesn't want a break up call just to assuage your guilt.

2. Only consider doing the face to face break-up if you are dating someone who can handle it. Don't reject someone face to face who has low self esteem and who might "lose it" from being rejected.

3. Keep in mind that "it's not you, it's me" is the oldest excuse in the book and the person you are breaking up with might not let you off the hook on that excuse.

4. If you break up face to face, be prepared for the person you are breaking up with to ask you the real reason why and if they ask, out of respect you should tell them.

5. If you are a guy breaking up with a woman, don't EVER say that the reason you are breaking up with her has to do with her looks or her body even if this the case. No woman wants to hear this or can handle hearing this. Don't do it!

6. If you are a woman, breaking up with a man, don't EVER say that the reason you are breaking up with him has to do with the size of his "you know what" or his performance in bed, he cannot handle hearing this! Don't do it.

7. If you are vacillating over to break up or to blow off, err on the blow off, its easier for most people to handle.

The little things

Big things, they are easy to remember- when someone's birthday is, their favorite color, that they don't eat dairy. But what of the little things, the things people say in passing that you actually remember or the things you can do for someone else to show you care? Today people always seem to forget the little things even though the little things often times are the most obvious niceties out there. And the little things are the ones that people notice, are the things that make you different, and unique and more appealing when you are dating, more attractive than the masses.

Here are some examples of some sweet little things you can do when you are dating which will get you some major brownie points.

1. When going on a date with someone who has kids, ask him or her the kids names, ask to see photos of the kids and say that the kids are very cute (even if they are not!)

2. If you have a second or third date with that same person, remember to ask how his or her kids are doing and ask about them by name.

3. If you are both having coffee or tea and you are either at home serving it or at a swanky restaurant where they give you individual tea kettles, make sure to pour your dates cup of java first and then pour yours.

4. If the two of you are sharing food, serve your date first, always.

5. As a woman, when you are dating a man, it is nicer to plan an actual full evening where you are going to pay than to try to take the check and pay at the end of a date he planned.

6. If your date had trouble remembering something while you were out together that was important to him or her (like the name of one of his or her favorite movies.), it is nice to follow up afterwards with a cute email saying that you remembered the name. And it is even nicer to show up at the next date with that movie DVD as a gift.

7. If your date mentions that he or she has an important meeting the next day or even a few days later, it is very thoughtful if you remember the meeting and its approximate time of day and pop him or her an email afterwards and ask how the meeting went. It is good if you remember something specific about that meeting so your date felt like you were really interested in what he or she was sharing with you.

8. If your date mentions in passing that he or she would love to try a particular restaurant or that he or she hadn't been back to a certain restaurant in ages, it is very sweet to plan an outing to that place.

How picky is too picky?

Sometimes I wonder if people remain single because they are just too picky.

All I hear these days is..."I don't like the way he speaks, I don't like that he didn't pick me up, I didn't like that she answered her phone during the dinner."

"I didn't like that he picked a restaurant near his house, I didn't like that he picked a restaurant near my house, I didn't like that he picked the restaurant without asking me, I didn't like that he asked me to pick the restaurant."

"I didn't like his friends, he doesn't have enough friends, he has too many friends" and on and on and on.

For every good thing we find in someone, we tend to find 5 bad things at the same time. And if we keep focusing on the negative, we might just be alone forever.

Here are some tips on how you can be less picky:

-When you go on a date, instead of thinking about what you didn't like about him or her, think about what you did like.

-When you find something you don't like about a person, think about whether that thing is really a deal breaker for you or are you being too picky.

-Think back about how many times you have run into a guy or a girl who you nixed immediately who is now happily married, looks "pretty normal" from a distance and you walked away thinking that maybe you were too impetuous with "that one". If this has happened often, think about not letting it happen again.

-Legitimate deal breakers are things like differences in values, religious differences, lack of sexual chemistry and drinking and drug issues.

-"Legimitate pickiness" is cutting him off because he is a half inch shorter than the height you tend to date or because she has C cups instead of D cups!

-If you are unsure whether or not you are being too picky, "phone a friend", an honest and direct one and ask his or her opinion.

-Keep in mind that no one is ever going to be perfect. Not even you!

Dating joke- pretty funny

Choosing a wife
>
>
>A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among
>three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and
>watches to see what they do with the money.
>
>The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon
>gets
>her
>hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very
>nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more
>attractive for him because she loves him so much.
>
>The man was impressed.
>
>The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set
>of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive
>clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent
>all the money on him because she loves him so much.
>
>Again, the man is impressed.
>
>The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several
>times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the
>remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for
>their future because she loves him so much.
>
>Obviously, the man was impressed.
>
>The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the
>money he'd given her.
>
>Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
>
>Men are like that, you know.

Valentine's Day aftermath...

Valentine's Day- the holiday for lovers. Girls look forward to it, hoping they will have a date, wishing that their beau will step up this year and discover the real definition of romance.

Men dread it- they know that chances are, whatever they do, whatever they buy, isn't going to be right, good enough, or what their lady is fantasizing about. And then the day after, relief coupled with thoughts of breakups or thoughts of love.

I am in Aspen skiing right now and I rode the gondola up the mountain with a couple who was arguing about Valentine's Day. They didn't celebrate it because the guy was stuck and work, they were arguing about it. He was promising to "do better" next year and she was threatening that she had his credit card number and would buy herself her own present.

I, being the budinsky that I am, chimed in (after all the ride up the mountain is a good 20 minutes) and pointed out that they could just celebrate valentine's Day on another day- maybe next week or March, in April or maybe even in July. I pointed out that Valentine's Day doesn't have to be just about a specific date n the calendar, it can just be about the symbolism of remembering those around you, find a time, an excuse to be romantic. They kind of looked at me funny- maybe because they didn't want me interfering in their fight and then because it seemed like they gave what I was saying some thought. I pushed on. I looked at him pointedly and said that perhaps he could try to come up with a spontaneous unexpected romantic gesture he could do for his woman on a day that she wasn't expecting it and on a day that he had time to focus. He shrugged and seemed to think that this could be a reasonable idea. And then I smiled understandingly at her and said that guys sometimes like to do this on their own time, in their own way, not just when "they are supposed to." She seemed to buy that explanation as well.

The moral of the story... Romance can happen anytime, in anyway. Its about being thoughtful, small gestures and taking the time to think about your significant other and what you could do with them or for them that would show them that you really care, show them that you took time out of your busy schedule to focus on them.

Its not about how much money you spend or how elaborate the gesture is, its about the gift or gesture itself and how in tune it is with what will make your partner happy.

Think 1 Hershey kiss on someone's pillow when they get out of the shower on a random morning. Purple tulips instead of red roses or cooking a dinner with all of his or her favorite foods on the menu with their favorite music playing in the background.

This is romance.