CHEMISTRY- SHOULD WE GIVE IT A SECOND CHANCE?

What do we think of giving someone a second chance, a second date to see if we missed something, some feeling, some connection the first time around?

I think most people are divided into two camps on this one.... One camp of people thinks that chemistry is either there or it's not, it's instantaneous and it can't grow. The other camp of people think that over time, someone can go from not having that "loving feeling" to having it if they become more comfy with the person, find that they have a lot of things in common with the person etc.

I have found that most men are in the former camp- it's either there or it's not for them- they either feel like they want to jump the girl's bone within the first 30 seconds of meeting them or game over. This might sound a little harsh- but a lot of guys really think about this way- they meet the girl, they think to themselves... "Could I possibly, on some day, in some universe have sex with this woman?" If the answer is yes or probably yes then he will notice other things about her- is she fun, is she smart, do they have things in common etc. But if his answer is no, he usually doesn't get to know the full package because he doesn't see it going anywhere and most guys are not looking for new friends.

Women on the other hand, tend to be more patient in the chemistry department- they might initially think that the guy is unattractive or not sexual attractive to them, but then a woman can have a conversation with the guy- she might find him funny or smart or that they have a lot in common and then all of a sudden she looks up from her bite of spaghetti and she will see that same guy now as a cute guy, a guy she could actually kiss. I hear this again and again from women. Sometimes, of course, it doesn't matter how interesting a person is, you just might not have the urge to jump in the sack with them.

Now what about giving someone a second date chance? What if the first date was just okay, does a second date make sense? I usually advise my clients who are on the fence about a second date to go- it can't hurt and sometimes first dates are difficult. Plus, I have had two couples get married after I insisted that they go on a second date even though one of them was vehemently saying he or she didn't want to go. I pushed (I can be very convincing!) they went and low and behold, with a little vino and some good conversation, feelings changed and they found that they did in fact feel that chemistry between them.

And another thing I recommend when someone is on the fence.... go in for the kiss.... Sometimes, a kiss is just a kiss but sometimes a kiss can rock your world and you can find yourself so super attracted to someone because of it. So... I tell people who are iffy about someone, to try one kiss- maybe it will do the trick...

Thoughts?

DATING ETIQUETTE QUESTION- TEXT OR PHONE CALL?

Question---

Guy goes out on a pseudo date with a girl- maybe it was a date, maybe it was a friendship thing, it was unclear. They go to dinner, drinks, a fun time had by both.

Next day, girl wants to say thank you, after all that's the polite thing to do.

So.... the question--- text message or phone call?

Let's evaluate.... text message- it gets the job done but in a passive more girl-like way; phone message- a possibility but a little more forward, a little more guy like behaviour.

I vote for the text message however, some guys have been saying otherwise.

Comments??????

CHOOSING A WIFE...

SO FUNNY----
Choosing a wife
>
>
>A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
>
>The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon
>gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very
>nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more
>attractive for him because she loves him so much.
>
>The man was impressed.
>
>The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set
>of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive
>clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent
>all the money on him because she loves him so much.
>
>Again, the man is impressed.
>
>The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several
>times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the
>remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for
>their future because she loves him so much.
>
>Obviously, the man was impressed.
>
>The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the
>money he'd given her.
>
>Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
>
>Men are like that, you know.
>
>There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today
>than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be
>a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and
>absolutely no recollection of what to do with them !!!!!

Thoughts?

Dana Reeves- a love story for all time

Dana Reeves died Monday at the age of 44. What a woman! Her dedication to her husband Christopher Reeves was unparalleled; she was courageous and strong. She supported and loved her husband unlike many people would have been able to do. And after she saw him through all of his treatment, their heartache, and his death, she was much too soon diagnosed therafter with lung cancer which she succumbed to on Monday night. As I said what a woman.

We all look for someone who will stay with us, be by our side in sickness or in health till death do us part. But do we really get that today? Do single people today get married for the long haul? Do people of our generation actually get married and plan to stick around for better or for worse? Or do people of our generation look at the ease of getting a divorce as an escape route that makes its all the more palatable? How did our generation change so dramatically to a generation that runs away when the chips are down?

And how does someone find a partner like Dana Reeves? She was one of a kind but I hope not one of her kind. I know I would like a partner with the characteristics she embodied, wouldn’t you???

ROMANCE AT THE OSCARS...

So another Oscar night came and went. Most people pay attention to the movies and winners, some pay attention to the fashion, and I pay attention to the romance. And boy was romance abound this year…

Even though there were no romantic comedies nominated for awards, there was still romance everywhere. All types of romance.

There were overt romantic gestures--the romantic gesture of the Desperate Housewives giving a heartfelt good luck wish to Felicity Huffman via satellite on the red carpet, there was George Clooney reminding us when he won his Oscar that he was voted the Sexiest man alive in People magazine in 1997, there was romantic vintage Dior dress that Reese Witherspoon was wearing that was a real honest to goodness original.

There were the Hollywood power couples like Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw, William H Macy and Felicity Huffman who never looked better sitting front and center.

And there was young Hollywood but just as visible like Heath Ledger and his co star on and off screen a vision in yellow Michelle Williams and gorgeous Jessica Alba and Cash Warren.

Then there was furtive romance, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, all lovey Dovey in a corner booth at the Vanity Fair after party, Vince Vaughn playing protective Mother Hen when he met up with his gal and Oscar presenter Jen Aniston.

And lastly we had the sexy single bachelors , the men any girl would die to have- Jake Gillenhal, Jamie Foxx, and of course George Clooney. Who do we think will ultimately land George Clooney????

HEY MR 40’S GUY…. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS????

So I met with a new male client yesterday, he is 43, and what a refreshing change, he actually wants a woman close to his age. And no, he‘s not divorced nor has he already had kids. He just has realized that he has more in common with women his age than women who are substantially younger. And being the evolved and educated man that he is, he is not hung up on the biological time clock of a woman because he trusts the data that has been coming forth that women can have children well into their 40’s.

I know, I know, the “non evolved man” will argue this point and say that yes maybe women can have kids in their 40’s but maybe they can’t and why should they take a chance. I see the logic there as well.

However…. Think about this…. Let’s say you are a guy in your 40’s who seems your age, meaning if you polled 100 objective people and asked them how old you were, and these people were objective and not your friends who like to kiss your ass, these 100 people would say that you seem like a guy in your 40’s not younger at all. Now that doesn’t mean that you might not look younger than 40 but how you act, your demeanor and your interests all scream 40’s. Now, let’s say you’re that guy… You tell everyone you want to date a girl in her late 20’s or early 30’s. Why? Because you say you are more attracted to them, you have more in common with them and you don’t feel biological time clock pressure coming from them. Okay, that’s a fair answer, its your opinion, but did you ever stop and think about whether these girls are truly attracted to you, or is the attraction one sided?

Living in NY, you might be able to find a girl in her late 20’s or early 30’s who is still in that “I like free meals” phase who will give you a one shot chance at a date. But if you, Mr. 40’s guy are really honest with yourself, how many of those dates turn into second dates or more importantly into relationships. Now don’t rationalize that you didn’t like them anyway, be honest, how many? If you are the guy I am describing, probably not that many.

Moreover, are you that guy who trolls the teeny bobber parties? Meaning everyone else looks like they fit in, you distinctly look like YOU DON’T FIT IN. You might rationalize that you have a younger friend who is bringing you to the party so you are welcome there but you still can’t take away from the fact that you really don’t fit in there and that if you were completely honest with yourself, you know a lot of people are whispering about you and making fun of you for being there and for trying to rob the cradle.

I don’t mean to be harsh. But maybe its time to smell the roses….Maybe its time to become like my new client- evolved and most importantly realistic. Yes, being with a hot young girl might be nice but is it worth it to keep waiting and waiting for a young hottie to like you as you get older and older and older and stay alone? Perhaps, it would be better to be with an older hottie- women close to your age can be very hot- many of them are at the absolute prime of their life. Think about it—maybe its time to consider some other women as possible contenders for yourself!