Friday, March 31, 2006

CHEMISTRY- SHOULD WE GIVE IT A SECOND CHANCE?


What do we think of giving someone a second chance, a second date to see if we missed something, some feeling, some connection the first time around?

I think most people are divided into two camps on this one.... One camp of people thinks that chemistry is either there or it's not, it's instantaneous and it can't grow. The other camp of people think that over time, someone can go from not having that "loving feeling" to having it if they become more comfy with the person, find that they have a lot of things in common with the person etc.

I have found that most men are in the former camp- it's either there or it's not for them- they either feel like they want to jump the girl's bone within the first 30 seconds of meeting them or game over. This might sound a little harsh- but a lot of guys really think about this way- they meet the girl, they think to themselves... "Could I possibly, on some day, in some universe have sex with this woman?" If the answer is yes or probably yes then he will notice other things about her- is she fun, is she smart, do they have things in common etc. But if his answer is no, he usually doesn't get to know the full package because he doesn't see it going anywhere and most guys are not looking for new friends.

Women on the other hand, tend to be more patient in the chemistry department- they might initially think that the guy is unattractive or not sexual attractive to them, but then a woman can have a conversation with the guy- she might find him funny or smart or that they have a lot in common and then all of a sudden she looks up from her bite of spaghetti and she will see that same guy now as a cute guy, a guy she could actually kiss. I hear this again and again from women. Sometimes, of course, it doesn't matter how interesting a person is, you just might not have the urge to jump in the sack with them.

Now what about giving someone a second date chance? What if the first date was just okay, does a second date make sense? I usually advise my clients who are on the fence about a second date to go- it can't hurt and sometimes first dates are difficult. Plus, I have had two couples get married after I insisted that they go on a second date even though one of them was vehemently saying he or she didn't want to go. I pushed (I can be very convincing!) they went and low and behold, with a little vino and some good conversation, feelings changed and they found that they did in fact feel that chemistry between them.

And another thing I recommend when someone is on the fence.... go in for the kiss.... Sometimes, a kiss is just a kiss but sometimes a kiss can rock your world and you can find yourself so super attracted to someone because of it. So... I tell people who are iffy about someone, to try one kiss- maybe it will do the trick...

Thoughts?

7 comments:

  1. Well, I always tell people that for me, if the chemistry is there, I'll know it right away. But, there have been those times where I was on the proverbial fence, and a second date was needed. Alas, I've never "hooked up" with someone I was on "the fence" with.

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  2. Well, I always tell people that for me, if the chemistry is there, I'll know it right away. But, there have been those times where I was on the proverbial fence, and a second date was needed. Alas, I've never "hooked up" with someone I was on "the fence" with.

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  3. I was contemplating this the other night.

    I find myself giving 2nd and 3rd chance to guys that I don't have any immediate chemistry with, thinking that in time something will eventually spark ...

    But nope, if the spark isn't there, it doesn't just develop.

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  4. I'm not very sure about second chances especially if i think differently already about the other person. Perhaps, I can also post something like this from my blog Little's Blog Things soon.

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  5. The first time I kissed my current boyf, nothing. The second, same thing. But when I got to know him and really was attracted to his personality and let myself like him (I just got over a bad breakup recently), I was fine and it was really good.

    Now I can't kiss him without liking him a bit more.

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  6. i guess its an element in a relationship to have a good chemistry.=) I dated a guy in webdatedotcom who I thought I would not really like physically. Later on, we really hit it good and I really had a good time with him.

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