MEN WITH BIG MOUTHS

The other night I went out for a juicy steak at Quality Meats, that new, very posh steak house in midtown and I ran into a guy who I knew back in the day when dorky guys were still dorky guys because they had yet to make their financial killing. Remember those days??

Well…believe you me he was one of those guys. I remember he always talked too much. I also remember he had this major crush on me, I am talking major; he asked me out about a gazillion times and I always said no. I remember one time I agreed to go with him to a Giants game “as a friend” I was clear on that, but he went and told everyone that we had a date, a day date no less which sounded really serious to a lot of our friends. Needless to say that was our last non-date date of any sort.

So fast forward about 7 or 8 years. IThere I was, minding my own business eating my petit Filet and chitchatting about dating, of course, with my female friend and up comes Mr. Non-date date from yesterdays past. He’s married now, had a company, sold it for bucks and now he thinks he’s really cool, I mean really cool.

I said hi to him and asked him how he was. “Well,” he said almost proudly, “my wife and I almost got a divorce last night.” "Oh,” I said, “I am sorry to hear that.” And I glanced at my friend a little uncomfortably. He went on to say, “Well you know marriage is really hard and if it weren’t for our son we probably wouldn’t be together right now. I think she’s a great girl and everything but I am just not sure we should be married. Our sex life is basically non existent and we fight all the time” My head started exploding a bit; can we say TMI!!! Too much information, did he really think that I, pretty much of a stranger to him at this point, needed to or wanted to hear that he is in a bad marriage or that he almost got divorced. How dumb was he? And his poor wife! I wanted to run not walk to my computer and send her an email and anonymously tell her that her husband was a putz and that she should talk to him about keeping their private problems private. The poor girl.

But as if this wasn’t bad enough, he went on to ask me if he were single would I go out with him. Now first of all, this is a really rude, I mean an incredibly rude question to ask a single girl because it’s really just a self serving hypothetical because he's not single and therefore not avaialble in anyway. Look at it this way, say I liked the Bozo- it was like he was taunting me just so he could feel good about himself. I didn’t even dignify the question with an answer. He smirked a bit and shuffled his feet, “oh come on Samantha if I were single, wouldn’t you go out with me? You never would in the past but admit it, now you would.”

I looked at him, and said sweetly “Why? So when it doesn’t work out between us, you walk around telling random people? Sounds like something to really look forward to!" And with that I turned away, leaving him in a state of confusion. The sad thing is I don’t even think he had any clue what I was talking about!

Almost out of friends...

Making friends in the "real world" is an interesting phenomenon. Right?

In high school and college it was easy- you met people in your classes, in your dorm, in a drunken stupor at a keg party! It was even easy to make friends when you were first out of school and working because you had both your high school and college friends to fall back on and the groups just kept expanding and everyone was just about six degrees of separation.

But then things started to change.... alot of your friends coupled up, a bunch got married, some moved to the suburbs and some got obsessed with working long hours so that they could afford the McMansion they overpaid for in the Hamptons. And then fast forward to now... you may be out of single friends or very near close to a deficit.

So what now??? You don't want to admit that you are out of friends, that you are panicked about with whom you are going to go to that next charity event, and with whom you are going to ring in the New Year; however, truth is truth, you are hurting in the friends category.

Here are some tips for finding some new friends, or at least for supplementing the ones you've got...

Reconnect

Go through your address book and send a "Hello it's been so long" email to some friends of the past. Chances are they will be super excited to hear from you.

Suggest staying in touch to someone who you meet through a mutual friend

If you like your current friends, chances are, you will probably get along reasonably well with their friends. So at the end of the next 35th birthday dinner you attend this week, trade emails with the person sitting to your left instead of just air-kissing them goodbye.

Don't stand on ceremony- you reach out first.

Desperate people must acknowledge their desperation and do something to fix the issue. Let's face it, you need friends and you need plans. Don't wait for someone to connect you, you do the contacting. And don't be embarrassed if you need to reach out two times before you get a reply.

Plan a "new friend get-together".

You are making new friends, perhaps they would all like to meet. Become Julie the cruise director and plan a dinner, people will be very flattered to be invited and will, in turn, invite you to something.

Don't be uncomfortable going out alone.

In most cities, it is totally accpetable to show up to an event alone especially during the week. You are better off going alone than sitting home alone.

Guilt your married best friend into being your wing-man.

Remind him or her how many upteen-times you were there for him or her in the past. Guilting them works every time!

HAPPILY HAMPTONS AFTER

Happily Hamptons After


It’s the end of August, the summer has heated up nicely and now it’s high time for you to couple up with the right person before you head back to the city for fall. You look the best you have looked in a long time. You’re tan, due to the perfect combination of the hard to get Anthelios Sunscreen SPF 60 for the face and the naughty but we use it anyway, Bain de Soleil orange Gelee for your body. You’re in great shape thanks to hot Bikram yoga at Exhale, the seductive pole dancing classes at S factor and great early morning bikes rides along the water. And you have finally perfected your summer wardrobe by grabbing some cute islandy dresses at Calypso, great espadrille wedges from Tory and adding some great steals for a good cause at the Super Saturday shop fest for Ovarian cancer. Yet, you still don’t have that special someone with whom to go wine tasting on the North Fork.

You have watched many of your friends couple up, hook up, even break up but regardless they have all had a flurry of activity in the romance department, and you have not. You even thought you did all the “correct” Hamptons things to do to meet that special someone like forking over the $200 for the Love Heals benefit that never happened, dragging yourself to a social beach like Main Beach or Sag Main as well as pulling yourself away from the sunshine and the pina colada’s poolside to hit the Polo VIP tent one too many times. But still nothing has hit. And now the summer is about to come to a close and you are starting to feel the heat!

Here’s some advice of how to meet someone great before you put away your summer whites or at least to hook up with that hottie you been longing for.

Be aware of karma.
You don’t have to be a yoggie or Kabbalah worshipper to believe that karma is important. People with negative energy repel other people so if you are really want to meet someone great, ditch the negative friends, surround yourself with people you have a blast with regardless of where you are and plaster a huge smile on your face. The opposite sex is always drawn to someone having fun

Try doing things a little differently.
Only crazy people do the exact same thing over and over again expecting different results. So find some sanity, and mix it up a bit. Try going to a trendy hotspot like Trata or Madame Tongs a little earlier than usual or even on a non-trendy night, you might be surprised at the interesting people who will be there just the same.

Do daytime co-ed activities.
Enough with the late night partying, the days are so much better! Socializing sans alcohol in broad daylight is just what this Love Doctor ordered. Grab some sunscreen and head to the great outdoors where activities provide the ultimate ice breaker. So… when you are at the beach don’t just observe the volleyball game, get in it. And think about getting up at 8 or 9am and joining a biking group or take that wind surfing lesson at NeapogueThrow a party.

Become a “hostess with the mostest.”
Keep in mind that the host controls the party list which gives you the perfect opportunity to invite that cutie you have been after all summer and to get your friends to bring all sorts of interesting people to meet you. Everyone loves a party invitation!

And some more Dating Do’s.
Smile at that hottie in the car next to yours on trafficky 27.
Suggest a co-ed dinner with some people you don’t know that well.
Get a permit for everyone’s favorite party- a clam bake on the beach and stop into the Seafood shop in Wainscott for all the spoils.
Send a drink or a wink in the direction of the person you have been admiring all evening.
Get rid of that person who isn’t all that into you anyway.
Skip Cain for a night, you don’t meet anyone there anyway, and try Turtle Crossing for reggae dancing.
Consider the guy or girl you know you have been eyeing all summer in your share house.
Wear a hat during the day - a great sunscreen and conversation starter.
Hit golf balls at Poxabogue in a very cute outfit.
Organize a co-ed poker game
Tell your party guests to skip the wine gift and bring an interesting friend of the opposite sex instead.
Wear that sexy white dress you’ve been saving all summer.