Thursday, December 1, 2005

New Year's Eve freak-outs




I got an email this morning…

“Samantha, The holidays are freaking me out. I just started dating this guy and I don’t know what to do about my New Years plans. A lot of my friends are planning trips and I would like to go (I certainly don’t want to be stuck home alone on the holidays). But if I commit to going and I am still with this guy, then I won’t be around to spend New Year Eve with him and that might ruin our relationship or he might wind up hooking up with someone other girl on that night. I am scared because guys always wind up randomly hooking up on New Year’s Eve if they aren’t with a girl. What should I do???”


I have been hearing about a lot of these New Year Eve freak-outs recently.

My advice- our writer is in a tough spot. I completely hear her when she says that she wants to go away with her friends so she is not left home alone and depressed. On the other hand, I also hear her when she says that she would like to spend New Years with her man if he is still her man at the end of the year.

What to do, what to do?

I feel some dos and don’ts coming forward….

Do go ahead and make your holiday plans. In my experience any time a girl changes her plans for a man or waits around for a man, nothing good comes out of it. The only time things continue to work out with someone you are dating is when you lead your life as you would like to and when you are confident in your choices.

Do make plans with a group, not just one friend if you decide to schedule the trip. This way if your guy entices you to cancel your plans and be with him, you won’t be leaving anyone in the lurch.

Do try to plan a trip that has some sort of cancellation provision if at all possible; this will quell your anxiety about being stuck with nonrefundable plans that you are dying to cancel if he actually asks you to be with him.

Do come up with a deadline date that if he hasn’t mentioned anything to you about New Year Eve that you will firm up your own plans. You do this so that you are not thinking about the decision every minute of every day. And this way, if he asks you for plans before your chosen deadline, that’s great, you can be with him if you would like to be. But if he doesn’t, you stick to the program and you tell him you already have nonrefundable plans. This way you will be respectful of yourself and won’t drive yourself crazy.

Do be confident in your relationship. If he really likes you, he will not cheat on you on New Years Eve even if you spend it apart.

Do realize that if you schedule your plans with friends that your guy could always join your group wherever you are headed.

Do try to broach the vacationing/New Years eve question, but do it very delicately, very delicately. Maybe say something like “My friend Michelle called and asked me if I wanted to go away with her to the Bahamas for Christmas week, do you think that sounds like fun.” This puts the topic on the table and gives him the opportunity to ask you if you would be back for New Years or for him to tell you outright that he was hoping to spend the holidays with you. If he doesn’t take the bait, don’t push him.

Remember New Years Eve is only one night and you don’t want to blow what could be a good slowly growing relationship over one overrated night.

4 comments:

  1. In my opinion, Samantha is wrong. A girl should be a girl - like in other countries. Go with your feelings. If he likes you it will work - if he does not it won't no matter what you do!!!! I find that the women I love the most - ie have had the longest relationships, were equally compelled to be with me as I with them. I had sex with them right away, I dated them for 1 or 2 years... and the girls - were girls! Filled with emotion - of course they were not from New York - women in NY need to CHANGE and be like they were when they first got here. Then, when you find someone - leave NY immediately!!! There is no need to stay here other than money and good food. You can find paradise with your loived one wherever there are trees. You can also find your loved one wherever there is paradise! Hard to do in a dirty, windy, city. Keep thse things in mind. Guys love emotion and reciprication - purity - not hard girls that act like guys and put their career before their femininity. kensilverman@rcn.com

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