Friday, December 9, 2005

Rebound baby?

Someone wrote this morning.... Samantha- what do you think about rebound relationships? I think I am having one. Can it work? Some guidance would be appreciated...

Hmmm, I hear you. I think we all have been in that kind of relationship but for those of you who might not be clear...

A rebound relationship is- it’s that relationship right after your heartbreak relationship with the one person who you were near obsessed with; its that relationship that is supposed to get you over the last one even though you know deep-down that nothing but time or killing yourself will really get you over it! Usually your rebound person will be a person who makes you feel really good about yourself because at that moment, you are feeling like real crap and your self esteem is in the toilet. Is a rebound relationship doomed? It might be. But it seems that alot of people don’t really care if the rebound is destined to fail because all they are looking for in the moment is a warm bed and some escape from their misery.

Let’s consider a couple that people are saying are in a rebound relationship--- Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. Jennifer was heartbroken after Brad cheated on her with Angelina. Jennifer found solace in her friendship with Vince. Now they seem to be having more than a friendship. Is this a rebound relationship for her or the real McCoy?

Here are some questions you should ask yourself to help you figure out if your rebound relationship is just a rebound or if it has some legs for a longer lasting relationship

How much time has passed since your last relationship? If it ended yesterday, you probably aren’t in the proper mind set to fall in love again. (with Jen and Vince, a fair amount of time has passed since her breakup)

Do you have a real connection with this person and you really enjoy each other’s company or is the connection only sexual in nature? (Jen and Vince were friends first so the fact that they took it to the next level might suggest a real bond as opposed to a rebound situation)

Do you actually want to jump back into a relationship or are you just looking for help getting over the last one? (Jennifer has stated that she wants to be in a relationship, plus she didn’t end her relationship with Brad which would suggest that she likes being in relationships)

Were you thoughtful in your choice to get involved with this person or did you just go for the first person that presented him or herself to you in an easy way? (Jennifer and Vince spent a lot of time together on their movie so getting involved became easy, The future will tell us if they can stay together as they each go on to other things )

Realize that even if you are in a rebound relationship that this is okay too. Different relationships provide different things for us and if this one is so you can feel better and move into the present, remember you are entitled to one of those once in awhile.

If you are in a rebound relationship and you know that it has no future and you want to be in a relationship that does, in fact, have a future, put yourself on a time line- give your self a deadline for extricating yourself. Keep in mind that relationships, specifically fun and easy ones, have a way of dragging on and on, especially in the cold winter months. So if you really know in your heart of hearts that this one can never be, make sure you don't spend so much time in it that you deprive yourself of something else that could be real and sustain the test of time.



  1. Now this coming from a man is probably hard to believe. I'm not your typical guy. Most of my wife's friends ask to be put on the list when it's over. Well, my marriage has been going down the tubes for a while & we have recently realized taht we haven't eben happy for quite some time, and it's all now come to an emotional header. No kids just pets. I have a friend who I connected with as soon as we met (through my wife). Now that my marriage is in turmoil, I've been trying to dismis the feelings I have for my friend, but they won't go away. I think she might have the same, but she isn't sure. Advice please for a man who doesn't want to hurt anymore.

  2. I feel you, man. Relationship with significant other was (still "is", though it's over as a romance) Toxic, Toxic, TOXIC--and yet I'm having a hard time breaking the habit of reaching for HER, when I'm upset (which is nearly all the time, now).

    I guess where I part ways with you is, all my/our female friends know (as well as I do) that I'm NOT the kind of guy to rebound with. I'm far too much the "Drama King!"