Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The day after the FIRST KISS...

Big topic…
The day after the first kiss or the first fool around.

I am starting to think that the guy can do no right.

If he calls immediately and asks for plans that next night, the girl often times gets scared or freaked out. If he waits, she gets furious “I can’t believe he didn’t call, we kissed!” And if they get into an email exchange, she spends the whole day thinking about why they are emailing and if there is any significance to the fact that its email and not phone. She wonders if there a number of emails that implies that he really likes her as opposed to likes her just a little bit. She wonders if this his way of slowing down the situation, etc.

Ughhhhh…. Guys are complaining to me about this and girls, well girls just freak out about it daily.

So here is some guidance for the guys…

If you liked her and she seemed to like you as well, the best thing you can do is lob in a call on the day after. The two of you kissed or fooled around, you took a step, and it’s lame to wait.

If you the kissing was awkward but you like her nonetheless, you need to call the day after as well, act like nothing is wrong and schedule another date. The "elephant is on the table" already, no need to discuss the issue just yet.

If you cannot call the day after for some reason, send an email, make it cute and sweet, and keep in mind that she is analyzing every word of it, again and again and again.

Remember that even though the two of you mashed for two plus hours last night, this morning, the morning after, although she is feeling really excited, she is also feeling pretty insecure at the same time. She is thinking that it was too good to be true, she is thinking you might run because the two of you got so intense last night and she is remembering that the last thing you saw when you were leaving was her streaked make-up face. Translation, tread lightly, the day after, she needs reassurance.

Ways to give reassurance-

Open your email with “Hi sexy” or can’t stop thinking about you, etc. Something sweet, something complimentary, she needs it. Even if that is not you, per se, she needs it, so give it to her.

Ask for another plan. Even if that plan needs to be a week off from today, still ask for it and apologize that you need to wait so long. A girl would rather you bring up the plans now for a date faraway then say nothing and leave her wondering why

Tell her you had fun last night. Even though it should be clear to her that you had fun, tell her anyway, she wants to hear it.

Interchanges that will freak her out

One word email answers to her emails (She will wonder why your prose aren’t flowing and she will forget that you are this super busy exec at work who barely has time to go to the restroom, let alone go on and on in emails.)

Waiting hours at a time between emails to respondl. (She will wonder if you are getting scared and trying to put distance between the two of you)

Cutting the email exchange short by saying- I will speak to you later or have a good night. (These phrases feel like dismissals to a woman. You might think you are just being normal and polite but she doesn’t interpret it that way. She just keeps playing it over and over again in her head “He told me to have a good night? What does that mean? Why can’t he call me and say that? What is he doing tonight? Why doesn’t he suggest plans with me if we had so much fun last night? Does he kiss a lot of girls like he kissed me? Is this a game to him? Etc, etc, etc. - And yes she will have all this noise in her head over what you thought was an innocuous have a good night sentence! )

Like I said initially, guys, you can do no right. However, if you kissed her, you need to err on the side of sweet and interested or there will be hell to pay. Trust me, I am a Matchmaker, but I am also a girl!



  1. This is awesome! I'm a girl.. But these are exactly the thoughts that were going through my mind after my first kiss with my boyfriend.. I feel way calmer now that I know its just all in my head

  2. I met this girl through work. Last night was our first time hanging out, things went great hung out til late into the night. Plenty of joke, tons of laughs, and held hands for the first time. As the night came to an end, we kissed for the first time. Held it for about 5 seconds, an let off. Laughed talked about the night how great it was . She walked me to the door exchanged words an said goodnight.
    I want to go slow, so texted her "hey good morning " Was this the right way to go about this?

  3. You did great! Keep being sweet, and always remember that girls think and analys everything.