Sunday, March 8, 2009

Here's what I know...Connections are rare, so you need to fight for them

Did you ever notice how these days, people are so willing to throw in the towel at the first sign of controversy?

Here's what I know...

(1) Connections are rare and shouldn't be taken lightly. If you like the essence of a person, then you shouldn't let small and maybe, workable things get in the way of special feelings because those feelings don't come everyday. If you liked someone well enough to put time and energy into being with them, you should equally be willing to have an open and honest dialog about the circumstances and see if there are little adjustments that can be made to fix an issue before throwing in the towel.

(2) No one is a mind reader, so if you have an issue with someone, you need to verbalize how you are feeling and make sure you are not misjudging the circumstances before you walk away, otherwise the other person won't know or be able explain themselves. And then after you have that conversation, you need to take the time to see how your honesty might have affected the other person because perhaps a little communication will prove to make your interaction very different. Sometimes people can readily make modifications just by understanding what works and what doesn't work for the other person.

(3) Sometimes you need to look deeper and figure out why a person might be acting a certain way. Could it be a defense mechanism because they are feeling a little scared or feeling insecure in a particular circumstance? Could it be that they are trying to impress you and get upset when when something doesn't go perfectly? Could it be that they are subconsciously testing you to see if you will walk away at the first sign of something ugly? Often times someones behaviour has to do with underlying feelings and once a person feels really safe and loved they will let their guard down and "behave."

(4) Keep in mind that just because you and your beau deal with some circumstances differently, this does not mean you can't be together. No two people will be exactly the same and you might be surprised that when the two of you are together as a unit, your different approaches and your different ways of looking at things might mesh well it if you communicate about the differences and if you give yourselves the opportunity to make this discovery.

(5) You should try not to impose your experiences from other situations onto your current situation. Keep in mind that just because you tried working through something with another person and it didn't work out, doesn't mean that you won't have a different outcome in another situation. Every couples' interactive dynamic is different; some people need the opportunity to listen to issues and try to work through them instead of just being told, "this can't work".

6) Keep in mind that if you walk away from a circumstance without at least one attempt to see if you can work through an issue, you will always wonder if you made a mistake and if that person was actually "the one." What is one attempt in the grand scheme of things? What is one benefit of the doubt? After all, how great would it be if that one attempt produces the relationship you really want?

1 comment:

  1. i think this is quite relevant and good advice in this day and age of people wanting immediate perfection and instant gratification.
    great things don't come easy (if they do, they probably aren't great).