Holiday party madness

So... It's holiday season again. How do we fit in the dating and go to all those parties?? My business is booming- I guess a lot of people don't want to be alone for New Year's but at the same time, no one seems to be available to actually go on a date. I have been hearing "I can see her at 5:15 for 45 minutes" and "What about lunch from 1:15 to 2pm Thursday." NO!!!! Dating is not like business, you don't squeeze in your dates. Dates should be at night, when both people can drink, heavily, if they so choose or at least sip a little vino to calm their dating nerves and to decompress from their stressful day. Moreover, the "squeeze-in" feels crappy for the person you are taking out. Everyone is so busy now, but the successful savvy daters will fit people in without letting them know they are being fit in. You're not stupid, you know the right thing to do and say, SO DO AND SAY IT!

Some tips....

Most of the holiday parties are exactly the same, different venues but same general faces. Hence, you should get comfortable with the fact that if you miss one, you won't miss anything. Honestly.

Most people go from party to party so you really can do a "fly-by" and no one will get mad at you.

If a date sounds good, DON'T put him or her off until after the holidays. Let's say that they meet someone else, they you will be S-H-I-T out of luck and feel like you missed out on someone great.

If you are hosting a holiday party, invite ALL of your crushes and potentials. This will be a good time and place to figure out which ones you really like and which ones are just fillers on your dance card.

If you do invite all your crushes and potentials, make sure you warn each and every one of them BEFORE they arrive to the party, that you are the host/hostess, that you probably won't be able to spend all that much quality time with them but you will do your best.

If you invite all your crushes and potentials, make certain to insist that they each attend with a friend so they will not feel alone during most of the evening when you are pay attention to your other guests and so they won't wind up pissed off at you.

If you invite all your crushes and potentials to your party, make certain that none of them think that they are your specific date for the evening. If even one of them thinks this, a real disaster a'la Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan could ensue.

Happy holidays!

Aren't these things supposed to be obvious???

Obvious 1- If you say to a girl that you want her to go away with you for New Year’s, she will think you like her, alot. (So if you don’t, don’t say stupid S-H-I-T like that!)

Obvious 2- If you fool around with a guy you barely know on the first date, he is not going to believe you when you say "you never do this."

Obvious 3- If you text and email someone repeatedly, if they make plans with you and cancel them at the last minute, and if they go MIA and then have a lame excuse, they are not into you. Period. No rationalizations, no excuses, THEY ARE NOT INTO YOU.


Obvious 4- Girls who are in their 20’s more times than not, only choose to date men in their 50’s if they want something from them ,and usually "that something" is money. (If you are in your 50’s and want to date a girl in your 20’s, just admit it to yourself regardless of how young you think you look, that she is a gold-digger in some capacity)


Obvious 5- People fabricate the truth in their online dating profiles. (If it looks like a duck, and acts like a duck, it’s a duck!)

It Can happen to You!

So, yesterday I went to a high school reunion lunch. One of the girls there, told me a story that I thought I should share....

She is divorced, has one child, a son. She lives in Phila. When she got divorced she didn't think she would ever meet a guy. She went on date after date, set-up after set-up, bad party after bad party, but nothing, no one ever clicked. Then she went on Match.com, and she met a guy named Mark. She had this very romantic first date with him- drinks, a basketball game and then dancing.

She thought he was great, with one gigantic red flag.... He was very quick to tell her about "Mark's 3 year plan." His 3 year plan was that he felt strongly that he would never marry a woman until he knew her for 3 full years. He said that he had been in a bad marriage before and he didn't want to do that again. Of course this comment was like an elephant on the table and most girls I know would have run, not walked straight to the door and never to take his phone calls again. And who would blaim them, 3 years is a long "sentence" to live in a relationship.

But this girl, acted unlike most of the girls I know in NY. She decided to not let that comment bother her and she decided to date him. One month later, he said to her, remember my three year plan that I told you about on our first date? Well, I think you are the one for me so I am starting to get over that plan! Three months later, when they had been together 4 months, they got engaged and they are getting married in 10 days, 1 year and 13 days after they met. So much for plans and rules!!!


True story!

Moral of the story- anything is possible and when you meet the right person all your rules, and lists, and must haves and plans fly out the window because when its "it", it's "it"!

Why not make November the month in which you give a chance to a person or to people you would have never given a chance!

September and October- very busy Matchmaking months!

Hi, sorry for the MIA- September/October are my busiest matchmaking months- you want to know why??? (here are two excerpts from my book)

September is an interesting month for matchmaking. I guess every month is, but September is especially interesting because many peeps come my way. First of all, summer has ended. Why is this significant? Because a lot of single people were expecting to meet the person of their dreams over the summer-people are tan so they look better, healthier, and thinner, women wear sexier clothing, more bare clothing that attracts the hombres, there are a lot more people out and about, happy and interacting and people take vacations to try to meet people. Moreover, in my cities (New York and Los Angeles) a lot of people do fun shares in vacation houses (in the Hamptons and in Malibu) and these houses are hookup central; there we have tons of single men and women all looking to meet and be met. Anyway, people go into the summer thinking, hoping and praying that they will meet someone significant. Unfortunately for a lot of the singles, they meet a lot of people, have a lot of flings, but come out of the summer still alone. That’s where I come in. They gave it the summer, four months and still nothing, so they come to me, hat in hand. Yes, I might be sloppy seconds in this situation, but I am okay with that.

October, another interesting month for matchmaking. There are the people who gave it September to see if any of their contacts from the summer would turn into anything romantic. There are the people who gave themselves September to get over their summer breakup and now they are ready to hitting the proverbial dating ground running. And there are the Jews who waited until after the Jewish High holidays, thinking that they might see an old flame sitting in the service or that the real Yenta in their life, their mother, might actually fixate, on an interesting friend of the family instead of the nightmare friend she always fixates on, while she’s supposed to be fixating on the prayer book, but of course this never happens!

So, I get alot of people in Sept and October. Lucky for me!

To read more and to meet some of my characters-- Mr. Gazillionaire, Mr Bonus with the Pinky Ring, Miss Man Hunt, Brad Pitt Guy, Looks Good from afar guy and many others, please run don't walk your little fingers to Amazon.com and buy my book: Matchbook: The Diary of a Modern Day Matchmaker!! (Yes, I get to self promote, its my blog!!)

MEN WITH BIG MOUTHS

The other night I went out for a juicy steak at Quality Meats, that new, very posh steak house in midtown and I ran into a guy who I knew back in the day when dorky guys were still dorky guys because they had yet to make their financial killing. Remember those days??

Well…believe you me he was one of those guys. I remember he always talked too much. I also remember he had this major crush on me, I am talking major; he asked me out about a gazillion times and I always said no. I remember one time I agreed to go with him to a Giants game “as a friend” I was clear on that, but he went and told everyone that we had a date, a day date no less which sounded really serious to a lot of our friends. Needless to say that was our last non-date date of any sort.

So fast forward about 7 or 8 years. IThere I was, minding my own business eating my petit Filet and chitchatting about dating, of course, with my female friend and up comes Mr. Non-date date from yesterdays past. He’s married now, had a company, sold it for bucks and now he thinks he’s really cool, I mean really cool.

I said hi to him and asked him how he was. “Well,” he said almost proudly, “my wife and I almost got a divorce last night.” "Oh,” I said, “I am sorry to hear that.” And I glanced at my friend a little uncomfortably. He went on to say, “Well you know marriage is really hard and if it weren’t for our son we probably wouldn’t be together right now. I think she’s a great girl and everything but I am just not sure we should be married. Our sex life is basically non existent and we fight all the time” My head started exploding a bit; can we say TMI!!! Too much information, did he really think that I, pretty much of a stranger to him at this point, needed to or wanted to hear that he is in a bad marriage or that he almost got divorced. How dumb was he? And his poor wife! I wanted to run not walk to my computer and send her an email and anonymously tell her that her husband was a putz and that she should talk to him about keeping their private problems private. The poor girl.

But as if this wasn’t bad enough, he went on to ask me if he were single would I go out with him. Now first of all, this is a really rude, I mean an incredibly rude question to ask a single girl because it’s really just a self serving hypothetical because he's not single and therefore not avaialble in anyway. Look at it this way, say I liked the Bozo- it was like he was taunting me just so he could feel good about himself. I didn’t even dignify the question with an answer. He smirked a bit and shuffled his feet, “oh come on Samantha if I were single, wouldn’t you go out with me? You never would in the past but admit it, now you would.”

I looked at him, and said sweetly “Why? So when it doesn’t work out between us, you walk around telling random people? Sounds like something to really look forward to!" And with that I turned away, leaving him in a state of confusion. The sad thing is I don’t even think he had any clue what I was talking about!

Almost out of friends...

Making friends in the "real world" is an interesting phenomenon. Right?

In high school and college it was easy- you met people in your classes, in your dorm, in a drunken stupor at a keg party! It was even easy to make friends when you were first out of school and working because you had both your high school and college friends to fall back on and the groups just kept expanding and everyone was just about six degrees of separation.

But then things started to change.... alot of your friends coupled up, a bunch got married, some moved to the suburbs and some got obsessed with working long hours so that they could afford the McMansion they overpaid for in the Hamptons. And then fast forward to now... you may be out of single friends or very near close to a deficit.

So what now??? You don't want to admit that you are out of friends, that you are panicked about with whom you are going to go to that next charity event, and with whom you are going to ring in the New Year; however, truth is truth, you are hurting in the friends category.

Here are some tips for finding some new friends, or at least for supplementing the ones you've got...

Reconnect

Go through your address book and send a "Hello it's been so long" email to some friends of the past. Chances are they will be super excited to hear from you.

Suggest staying in touch to someone who you meet through a mutual friend

If you like your current friends, chances are, you will probably get along reasonably well with their friends. So at the end of the next 35th birthday dinner you attend this week, trade emails with the person sitting to your left instead of just air-kissing them goodbye.

Don't stand on ceremony- you reach out first.

Desperate people must acknowledge their desperation and do something to fix the issue. Let's face it, you need friends and you need plans. Don't wait for someone to connect you, you do the contacting. And don't be embarrassed if you need to reach out two times before you get a reply.

Plan a "new friend get-together".

You are making new friends, perhaps they would all like to meet. Become Julie the cruise director and plan a dinner, people will be very flattered to be invited and will, in turn, invite you to something.

Don't be uncomfortable going out alone.

In most cities, it is totally accpetable to show up to an event alone especially during the week. You are better off going alone than sitting home alone.

Guilt your married best friend into being your wing-man.

Remind him or her how many upteen-times you were there for him or her in the past. Guilting them works every time!

HAPPILY HAMPTONS AFTER

Happily Hamptons After


It’s the end of August, the summer has heated up nicely and now it’s high time for you to couple up with the right person before you head back to the city for fall. You look the best you have looked in a long time. You’re tan, due to the perfect combination of the hard to get Anthelios Sunscreen SPF 60 for the face and the naughty but we use it anyway, Bain de Soleil orange Gelee for your body. You’re in great shape thanks to hot Bikram yoga at Exhale, the seductive pole dancing classes at S factor and great early morning bikes rides along the water. And you have finally perfected your summer wardrobe by grabbing some cute islandy dresses at Calypso, great espadrille wedges from Tory and adding some great steals for a good cause at the Super Saturday shop fest for Ovarian cancer. Yet, you still don’t have that special someone with whom to go wine tasting on the North Fork.

You have watched many of your friends couple up, hook up, even break up but regardless they have all had a flurry of activity in the romance department, and you have not. You even thought you did all the “correct” Hamptons things to do to meet that special someone like forking over the $200 for the Love Heals benefit that never happened, dragging yourself to a social beach like Main Beach or Sag Main as well as pulling yourself away from the sunshine and the pina colada’s poolside to hit the Polo VIP tent one too many times. But still nothing has hit. And now the summer is about to come to a close and you are starting to feel the heat!

Here’s some advice of how to meet someone great before you put away your summer whites or at least to hook up with that hottie you been longing for.

Be aware of karma.
You don’t have to be a yoggie or Kabbalah worshipper to believe that karma is important. People with negative energy repel other people so if you are really want to meet someone great, ditch the negative friends, surround yourself with people you have a blast with regardless of where you are and plaster a huge smile on your face. The opposite sex is always drawn to someone having fun

Try doing things a little differently.
Only crazy people do the exact same thing over and over again expecting different results. So find some sanity, and mix it up a bit. Try going to a trendy hotspot like Trata or Madame Tongs a little earlier than usual or even on a non-trendy night, you might be surprised at the interesting people who will be there just the same.

Do daytime co-ed activities.
Enough with the late night partying, the days are so much better! Socializing sans alcohol in broad daylight is just what this Love Doctor ordered. Grab some sunscreen and head to the great outdoors where activities provide the ultimate ice breaker. So… when you are at the beach don’t just observe the volleyball game, get in it. And think about getting up at 8 or 9am and joining a biking group or take that wind surfing lesson at NeapogueThrow a party.

Become a “hostess with the mostest.”
Keep in mind that the host controls the party list which gives you the perfect opportunity to invite that cutie you have been after all summer and to get your friends to bring all sorts of interesting people to meet you. Everyone loves a party invitation!

And some more Dating Do’s.
Smile at that hottie in the car next to yours on trafficky 27.
Suggest a co-ed dinner with some people you don’t know that well.
Get a permit for everyone’s favorite party- a clam bake on the beach and stop into the Seafood shop in Wainscott for all the spoils.
Send a drink or a wink in the direction of the person you have been admiring all evening.
Get rid of that person who isn’t all that into you anyway.
Skip Cain for a night, you don’t meet anyone there anyway, and try Turtle Crossing for reggae dancing.
Consider the guy or girl you know you have been eyeing all summer in your share house.
Wear a hat during the day - a great sunscreen and conversation starter.
Hit golf balls at Poxabogue in a very cute outfit.
Organize a co-ed poker game
Tell your party guests to skip the wine gift and bring an interesting friend of the opposite sex instead.
Wear that sexy white dress you’ve been saving all summer.

Love Match-- Jeremy Piven and Carmen Electra

Jeremy Piven’s character Ari Gold in Entourage has catapulted him into super stardom, but he has yet to find his own leading lady. Jeremy is a funny man at heart who loves to send those sarcastic zingers in various directions. The woman I see him with needs to be able to hold her own, take his playfulness and throw some back his way. To hold his interest, the woman would need to be a stunner, but known and respected in her own right. My choice: Carmen Electra. She newly single, a truly beauty, but a little spicy and cool. This lady might just be able to give Jeremy a run for his money.

LOVE MATCH... JIM CARREY & JENNY MCCARTHY

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy


- This is Hollywood’s coolest funny couple. Funny, ha funny! We like them because their love seems fresh, exciting and fun. We like them because they compliment each other not detract from each other. We like them because she is so hot and he is, well funny!

HOOKING UP

Hooking up.


Everybody seems to be doing it in the Hamptons right now, regardless of their age, regardless of the type of relationship they are ultimately looking for. It seems that going out to restaurants like Madame Tongs, Savannahs and Bobby Vans are in actuality just preludes to hooking up. I think that single people trick themselves into thinking that they might meet “their intended” at one of these places, and of course they might, but the probability of this is seeming lower and lower from the stories I am being told lately. More likely, people are finding other people male and female who are ready, willing and able to have a little fun, for the evening, no strings attached, and no contact thereafter. And yes, some people will lay it on thick and try to convince you that it is not just a one night stand and that there all sorts of romantic rose colored possibilities for the two of you in the future.

But, safe bet… don’t buy into the BS, if it sounds like BS, and you are suspicious, be suspicious and take it for what it’s worth- foreplay to a fun evening. If you enjoy, no, crave the flattery and the attention, go for it, but it’s better to go for it when you are being realistic about what it is and what it is NOT going to become than going for it with expectations that are going to cause a lot of obsessing and disappointment.

Some rules for hooking up (Not that I am condoning it or dissing it), just some words of advice…

---Don’t choose someone else’s boyfriend or girlfriend, there are plenty of unattached people in the Hamptons, pick one of those.

---Make sure to end the evening or the morning as it may be with “I had a great time” “That was terrific,” or “Wow, so unexpected” rather than “I’ll call you to go to the beach later” or “Let’s meet out tonight” when you know you are never going to do this.

If you are going out with the intention of hooking up, come prepared with your own transportation. Nothing is worse for you when you have a friend begging you to leave and nothing is worse for them than when they are waiting around while you get action and all they get is aggravated.

As a guy, be prepared to buy drinks for ladies if you intend to woo them, this is expected.

As a woman, if you are looking for a little nooky nooky, don’t stand in a pack of women. Either stand alone, off to the side or with one friend. Men, even players get intimidated to approach large groups.

Smile- this is welcoming and will make someone approach you.

Be careful- regardless of how nice and how expensive someone’s clothes look to you, you never know what is lurking underneath. Use protection, after all, this person is a stranger to you.

CELEB NEWLYWEDS...

Pam Anderson and Kid Rock

Newlyweds at last. This on again off again love affair has spanned more than 5 years having met thru a mutual friend right after Pam divorce from Tommy Lee. We like them because their love has lasted thru turmoil and other couplings yet somehow they found their way back to each other. We like them because they both have an exhibitionist, life of the party side yet deep down they are both into family and keeping it real.

ALL WORK AND NO PLAY- the Devil Wears Prada

ALL WORK AND NO PLAY…. The Devil wears Prada.

We say that love is the most important thing to us, but how often do we let work get in the way of it? Of course, our livelihoods are important, otherwise how would we eat or buy Prada shoes but love is important as well. Afterall, what’s the use of all that money if you have no one to share it with, right?

I saw the Devil wears Prada this weekend. Great fashion movie- loved the Balenciaga dress, the hot Chanel thigh high boots, and the Patricia Fields specially designed brown handbag. Thought Anne Hathaway was great, really a breakout role for her and Meryl Streep was hysterical, I just want to walk around and say “that’s all” in a monotone voice to every person who pesters me, even a little! Adrian Grenier…. I like him better in Entourage, his character in the movie bothered me, a lot- a little too sappy and too unable to control his woman; he couldn’t even get her to celebrate his birthday with him. Clearly work ruined their love affair. Perhaps it was meant to be ruined, perhaps their were just college sweethearts who never had a future in the real world. But the other perhaps is that they were meant to be together and ambition and Hermes got in the way.

So… some tips for keeping your relationship a relationship and working your ass off to get ahead at the same time….

Figure out a way to balance work and play. This will take effort on your part.

Its easier to figure out in advance what time is going to be allottedas personal time because if you just say, you will find the time and don’t earmark specific time, you will always be at your desk at Goldman Sachs and you will never get to see the Philharmonic in the Park or Grucci fireworks in East Hampton.

Make certain you never cancel on the same person more than once unless it is really an emergency (not that an IPO is blowing up but that you have a sick relative or death in the family.) People are tolerant in small doses.

If you cancel more than once, you need to make a grand gesture to salvage your relationship, saying your sorry and that you will make it up to the person is not good enough. Actions speak louder than words so definitely send those flowers, and definitely not red roses, something more special is in order, perhaps Purple Tulips (see Matchbook: the Diary of a Modern Day Matchmaker). Or send candy, not a Twix bar but something glorious like from Maison du Chocolat or better yet show up with something romantic like a wrapped present box with an assortment of spa products from Bliss and a gift certificate for some treatments.

Keep in mind that if your budget does not allow for a grandious expenditure, which might be why you are working your butt off, something sweet and thoughtful can do the apology trick as well. Send a Monk-email, or send a bag of Hershey kisses, you can definitely afford a few e-cards and some Hersheys, well the bag is under $3!!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH MARRIED MEN????

I don't know if there was just something in the air last night or if married men in NY have actually termed Thursday nights as "let's take off our ring night and hit on single girls" and this happens every Thursday night??

All I know is that last night, in a place that shall remain nameless, there were sooooo many married men being really inappropriate. Can I tell you that any of these men wound up cheating on their wives, I can't say, and I have no idea, but what I do know is that they wasted a lot of single women's time.

Married men think that as long as they are innocently flirting that they are not doing anything wrong. I bet their wives would beg to differ. Moreover, forget about these guys’ consciences for a moment, what of the single girls who they are flirting with? Single girls, at least the good ones, don’t want to be hit on by married men, innocently or otherwise, they don’t want to waste their time, however short, talking to a guy who is not available yet leading her to believe that he is.

I used to think that all you had to do was covertly observe his left hand, and if there was ring, then he was unavailable, no ring, available or at least not wedded in holy matrimony. But a lot of these guys, don’t wear a ring, or go so far as to take it off when they are trolling predominantly singles spots. Can we say sooooo inappropriate???

And I am completely in support of a guy’s night out, I think guys should absolutely have nights where they do their guy thing without the ladies. We, ladies want our girl’s night too. And I don’t really need to know what happens on guys nights but I guess I need to think, no know in my head that my guy will behave appropriately and clearly hitting on an obviously single, available and interested in meeting a guy girl for an extended period of time, crosses the line, for sure. And I am fairly certain that every girl out there would agree. You wouldn’t want us to do it to you!

So, here’s some words of advice for the married men, if you are really only innocently flirting or trying to talk to some interesting new people as I heard one scumball, I mean married man say to a woman he was talking to, this one was married with 3 kids and visiting from Washington DC. You owe it to the single woman to be clear quickly that you are married and unavailable. This doesn’t mean you have to say, "Hi, I’m Bob and I’m married" or have it branded on your head, but it does mean that within the first 5 to 10 minutes of the conversation you delicately drop it in so that if the single girl is actually out on a Thursday night trying to meet someone available, she can excuse herself instead of waste her precious time on you.

In addition, it is wholly inappropriate to stare lasciviously at a pretty single girl and smile at her if you really are only looking to make interesting new friends; what’s wrong with those new friends being of the male persuasion?

Or what’s wrong with have conversation with groups of new and interesting people as opposed to cornering one woman and have a one on one conversation with her if you really are only looking to meet new people? Nothing. But the question really is are you being honest about what you are doing?

There are a lot of women out there who will cheat with you, I would say its only fair to try to go after the ones who are like that instead of taking up the time of a single girl who had the diluted perception that you might be a good guy and you might be someone with whom she could be, sometime on the distant future interested in holy matrimony.

I am in the business of love and I help people get married so the whole cheating thing or innocent flirting thing really does not sit well with me…. Call me crazy!!!
Thoughts?

THE EXPLOSION OF LOVE!

The explosion of love.

I am sure you have all heard about it by now, but in case you are from outside of NYC...the craziest thing happened yesterday, right in my neck of the woods.

This guy, a cardiologist no less, placed explosives in the town home where he lived with his ex-wife in an effort to stop her from taking possession of the home! This happened on East 62nd St between Park and Madison on the upper east side of Manhattan. Apparently, the wife was granted the townhouse in the divorce settlement and the man decided that it would rather see it burn to the ground than allow her to have it.

He wrote in an email to her that "soon she would go from a gold-digger to a ash and rubble digger"- not a bad line! Apparently the couple lived there for their whole marriage and the guy also worked there. According to the news the guy was obsessed with the building and was planning to live in it until he died. The building actually exploded and fell straight to the ground (see photo) but fortunately no one was catastrophically injured and now the man is feeling remorse!

This makes me think about love and hate and how closely connected they are. If you have ever been in love or in hate you know what I am talking about- the emotions are so diametrically opposed yet feel almost identical, right? Love is this giddy, sweet happy feeling while hate is this blood-boiling seething feeling yet the height of the emotions are the same, just as strong, just as intense and just as all consuming. And they say that you can only hate someone or something you actually loved, otherwise you probably just dislike it strongly, not hating it.

And they say (whomever they are) that you really can't love an inanimate object that you can only feel affection for it, desire it or really enjoy it, whereas people you can love.

So I wonder if the press is right, did this guy explode the building because of his love of the building or did the building just symbolize his actual love of his wife? Maybe this crazy doctor was just a love sick guy who didn’t know how to reign in his emotions so he snapped and acted in a fit of desperation or maybe he is just crazy. What do you think?

I HEARD THIS ON THE RADIO YESTERDAY...

Here's a quickie and non-dating related...

What is something that kids of this generation have never enjoyed but their parents enjoyed all the time????

BAD MOVE, DUDES!

Time to vent. What is up with these men who think that it is right, normal even, to take a girl on a date, wine her, dine her, stay out with her for several hours, kiss her goodbye, on the lips, say they will call, not "soon" but actually "tomorrow" and then poof, they vanish, never to be heard from again? I am so sick of hearing this story.

Hello, men, don't you get it? Girls don't want to be led on. Don't kiss and promise things if you are not going to follow thru. Don't be cowards, we can take it, we are all adults. You are not into us, that's okay, there are other fish out there, and chances are we probably weren't that into you either, so just say goodnight, don't waste our time and our feelings!!

Some rules for the guys... to exit gracefully...

1. Just exit gracefully. Try saying "Good night, I had a nice time" or "Good night, it was nice meeting you"

2. Do NOT say, "I will call you", "let's get together again" or "Can't wait to see you again." if you have no intention of doing any of the above.

3. If you are on the fence about wanting to get together again, THIS IS OKAY. We might be on the fence too. So... say thank you, make NO mention of the next date, go home, process the date, obsess over it if you are an obsessing guy and then make the decision in the privacy of your own about your next move.

(Too many men tell me that the reason why they say "I will call you" and then wind up not calling is because in the moment, at the end of the date, they think that they are going to call, that they liked the girl and would like to go out again. However, when they get home and gain some distance and review the date, they decide that although the evening itself was a lot of fun, this girl specifically isn't really for them long-term, so they decide not to call. And they say, girls change their minds a lot!

This makes sense, and by all means, process the date and make a decision, just leave us out of that decision making process by making no promises to us! And yes, the sentence "I will call you" gets interpreted by a woman as a promise, every, single time!)

4. Believe me, I am a matchmaker and listen to all of this every single day, girls 100% prefer no mention of another date if you are not planning on calling over you saying you are going to call and then you don't. She doesn't want to go home, tell her friends or her parents that she had a great date, will definitely be seeing you again, only to be blown off by you.

5. Get comfortable with the notion that we girls will not die or even cry if you don't end the night with a promise of a call- we can handle this, we can. Just let us handle it.

Thoughts?

WOMEN NEED ATTENTION, BIG TIME!

I spent the weekend realizing how much attention women need, especially from men. Did you ever notice how women's voices change when men are around, how they strike poses for the men, how they smile differently, and bat their eyelashes?

I am a woman so I guess I am guilty of it too but it's funny, very funny to watch other women doing it. One girl I met actually "struck a full on pose when she was chatting with two pf my guy friends and another girl, almost had a temper tantrum when she wasn't getting enough attention.

Guys.... good luck with the ladies- women are pretty difficult to figure out.

Here's so advice for paying attention in an effective way....

1. COMPLIMENT THEM. And then do it some more. Girls looooooooooooooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvve compliments

2. Choose very good complimenting words- words like "good" or "nice" DO NOT CUT IT! Girls like to hear that they look sexy, hot, gorgeous or stunning. Pick a word that will make them feel special.

3. Even better... when you compliment, don't just say "you look hot", say WHY she looks hot. Tell her that the bounce is sexy, her legs look awesome, that her eyes are sparkling. Girls like to know what specifically is making them stand out to you.

4. If you are spending time with a group of platonic girlfriends, as will happen a lot during the summer. DO NOT pick favorites! Make sure you dole out the compliments evenly to avid a cat fight a la Lindsay and Paris.

5. If you do have a favorite gal, as in one girl in particular that you are particularly hot for, make sure you compliment her VERY differently from the way you compliment your female friends. Your "special girl" can not be looking hot just the same as the four other girls on the vicinity. Pick a complimenting adjective just for your lady and don't use it to describe anyone else. Or you will be in the dog house all summer, trust me!

HAMPTONS PARTYING UNTIL 5 AM!

Did you ever notice how grown adults act like 16 year old children as soon as they get off exit 70 of the LIE? I have become quite fascinated by the concept that people who claim that club life is so 5 years ago for them, clammer to get into places like the Pink Elephant and Stereo just because they are in the hamptons.

This weekend I saw 40 year old women practically prostituting themselves to get into clubs that had lines 500 deep of people who were very age inappropriate for them. And I saw men 45 to 50 years old begging for admittance, and trying unsuccessfully to give bouncers $400 to 500 to get passed that red rope. Hello people.... you don't need to go to these places that badly! You know that once you get inside, you hate being there, you are out of place and all you do is think about wanting to go home. And you wonder how its possible that you are this old and still doing the same thing you did when you were 20. Right?

I have given some thought as to why people feel this need to go to the crazy clubs until 5am. I think it's because they feel that if make the trek to the hamptons, pay all the money to rent the house and inconvenience themselves by sharing bathrooms and phone lines with strangers that the very least that should happen is a hookup. But does a hookup really help? If someone does hookup with an undesirable, an embarrassment or someone they never want to see again, does this really make someone feel better about themselves the day after? Does this change the fact that next weekend, they will need to pony up another 5 big ones to get into the place again? I don't think so.

So, some advice....

Find somewhere to go in the hamptons where you might have a fun time, a really fun time, not a poser fun time that you have to create thru illegal substances and excessive amounts of alcohol.

Pick people to spend time with in the hamptons whose company you enjoy regardless of the place.

Try to have fun and seem upbeat wherever you end up. People can sense negative energy and will be repelled by it.

Be smart with your time. If you arrive at a place at midnight, and the crowd outside the door is 400 people deep, the fire marshals truck is parked in the lot and you are not on the list to get in, DON'T BOTHER getting out of your car!

If you don't have any juice at a place, but for some reason you are dying to go- you need to get there realllllllllllllllllly early- even if you are the first person to arrive, this will give you better odds for admission.

And lastly, men have trouble getting into clubs in the hamptons unless they have a connection, a recognizable face or a very hot chick by their side. So... my advice, find a hot chick...

Thoughts??

Houseguest etiquette

Overstaying your welcome....

How much is too much? In the summertime, alot of people become freeloaders, the permanent guest, you know what i am talking about. Big debate this weekend in the hamptons- how do you ask to stay if you want to be a houseguest, how long can you stay and how can you ask someone to leave if they have been a mooch for too long? And the sitch of course gets all the more complicated if the visitor is a sexual playmate-- if he or she is sleeping in your bed and your bed is equipped for two- how can you really tell someone to leave? Let's discuss houseguest etiquette....

1. the houseguest should come armed with a gift- maybe a bottle of wine, maybe flowers, maybe a good book but something...

2. the houseguest should be ready, willing and able to sexually service the person he or she is visiting on command, well, maybe not on command, but often. After all why else would that person be willing to so readily share their bed?

3. The houseguest should treat you to at least one dinner during the course of the weekend.

4. The houseguest should feel comfy to stay for 2 days, but after the 2 days it should be the houseguests responsibility to broach the "should i leave question" and broach it in such a way that the person the houseguest is freeloading off of feels like he or she can say "time to go buddy" without being rude.

5. The houseguest should never hog the phone, computer or bathroom, nor should he flood the toilet.

6. The houseguest should offer help around the house whenever he or she sees fit whether this means handyman things or general house chores.

7. If the houseguest showed up unannounced, he or she should realize that perhaps there were other plans in place before his or her arrival and should not get upset if he or she can't be included.


On the flip side- the person housing the guest should keep in mind that the summer is casual, not everyone can be so lucky to have a place to vacation, that making new friends is always nice and playing outside one's comfort zone can always be interesting...

Thoughts....

Opposites attract? Or do they?

Most people pick a significant other with whom they have so many things in common that they are finishing each other’s sentences by the end of week one. While others prefer the opposites attract theory and find that one counterpart who always say “left" when they say “right”.

My theory as a matchmaker has always been to try to introduce people who have as many things in common as possible because I think that this will make it easier down the road. Furthermore, I have found that once the excitement of the differences wears off, those very differences often times can kill the relationship. However, some people are all for the opposites attract theory, so let's discuss...

Take for example Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz. It would appear that they are attracted to each other because of their differences. We have Penelope who prefers gourmet food and the European nightlife while Matthew who would rather be hanging out in ripped jeans and grabbing a cheeseburger, yet they have been together for quite some time.

How do differences like these affect a relationship? What are the warning signs that the differences are too great? And what can you do to make a relationship based on differences work? Here are some tips for making your opposites attract relationship stronger…

Be aware of your differences. Don’t pretend that they don’t exist because they will flare up eventually and at that point it might be too late to work through them.

If differences start causing issues between you, talk to your partner about them and try to figure out a medium ground.

When picking a mate it is okay to pick someone who is not your identical twin but don’t pick someone with so many divergent beliefs and interests that when the excitement wears off you have no basis for a relationship.

Take an interest in your significant other’s interests that you know nothing about; this way you can share that with him and this will demonstrate that you care about the things that he cares about.

Realize that it is okay to have some differences between you and its okay for there to be some alone time in the relationship. Perhaps it would be healthy for him to go camping with his buddies and you to go antiquing with yours.

REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS...

Jen and Vince ...

Are they in a Rebound relationship?

Inquiring minds want to know...???

Everyone knows what a rebound relationship is- it’s that relationship right after your heartbreak relationship with the one person who you were near obsessed with; its that relationship that is supposed to get you over the last one even though you know deep-down that nothing but time or killing yourself will really get you over it!

Usually your rebound person will be a person who makes you feel really good about yourself because at that moment, you are feeling like real crap and your self esteem is in the toilet.

Is a rebound relationship doomed? It might be. But it seems that alot of people don’t really care if the rebound is destined to fail because all they are looking for in the moment is a warm bed and some escape from their misery.

Let’s consider a couple that people have said are in a rebound relationship--- Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. Jennifer was heartbroken after Brad cheated on her with Angelina. Jennifer found solace in her friendship with Vince. Now they seem to be having more than a friendship. Is this a rebound relationship for her or the real McCoy? It seems like perhaps this rebound relationship is becoming the real deal- they have been together for awhile and are giving no indicators that they are moving on to other people.

Here are some questions you should ask yourself to help you figure out if your rebound relationship is just a rebound or if it has some legs for a longer lasting relationship...

1. How much time has passed since your last relationship?

If it ended yesterday, you probably aren’t in the proper mind set to fall in love again. (with Jen and Vince, a fair amount of time has passed since her breakup).

2. Do you have a real connection with this person and you really enjoy each other’s company or is the connection only sexual in nature?

(Jen and Vince were friends first so the fact that they took it to the next level might suggest a real bond as opposed to a rebound situation)

3. How long have you been rebounding with your rebound?

If its been more than 3 or 4 months, your rebound may have just become the real deal for you and you migh not have even noticed. Its okay for a rebound to grow into a real relationship as long as the relationship is based on something other than sex. (I would venture to say Jen and Vince have moved onto real relationship status by this point).

4. Are you only rebounding with this person to piss off your ex?

If pissing off your ex is the only reason for this association, eventually when your anger has worn off, you might realize that the rebound is only a rebound and the time has come to move on. (With Jen and Vince, perhaps Vince was a good guy with whome to piss off Brad since Vince and Brad were good friends. However, at this point, since Jen and Vince are still cozy, it seems she no longer is motivated by what Brad might think.)

5. Do you actually want to jump back into a relationship or are you just looking for help getting over the last one?

(Jennifer has stated that she wants to be in a relationship, plus she didn’t end her relationship with Brad which would suggest that she likes being in relationships)

6. Were you thoughtful in your choice to get involved with this person or did you just go for the first person that presented him or herself to you in an easy way?

(Jennifer and Vince spent a lot of time together on their movie so getting involved became easy. The future will tell us if they can stay together as they each go on to other things )

Thoughts?

PLAYING THE FIELD- NICK LACHEY...

When is it good for a single person to play the field, not focus on one person in particular, dating around?

When you just coming out of a relationship, you are getting over the breakup and you are so not ready to be with another person one-on-one again.

Take Nick Lachey for example, his and Jessica’s was quite an intense relationship. They got married, both their careers were soaring, they aired their dirty laundry to the world on reality TV. And it seems that Nick might still be smarting over the breakup. We all know that “breaking up is hard to do” especially in the public eye.

So, Nick is coping by dating several girls at once, perhaps each would like to be his main squeeze but he is not a’ choosing and probably won’t for quite awhile. Sometimes he hangs with Miss Kentucky, sometimes its Kristin Cavalleri and other times its grooving with Vanessa Minnillo and those are just the ones we know about.

I think Nick is doing the exact right thing by playing the field. However, he definitely needs to follow some playing the field etiquette so that he doesn’t get caught with his pants down, so to speak.

1. When playing the field, you need to be upfront with all the participants. You cannot have one gal thinking she is your special honey and then she reads that someone else is.

2. You need to put the kibash on the situation as soon as one of the participants gets too clingy or asks for too much- you don’t need to a stalker or an insanely jealous girl in your rotation.

3. You need to keep in mind why you are playing the field- to get over your ex and get to a place where you feel good about yourself and moving forward. Hence spend some time licking your wounds and understanding what went wrong in the past

4. Playing the field should not include playing with your ex. You can never move forward if you are stuck in the past.

5. Be open and ready to give up the field if and when someone really special turns up in your life.

SOME MORE DATING THOUGHTS...

SOME MORE DATING THOUGHTS....

1. Men take longer to want to become exclusive in a relationship than women do.

2. There are no supposed to’s in dating.

3. It usually takes four seasons to determine if a person is appropriate for you for the long term.

4. Vacation relationships do not always translate to real world relationships.

5. Normal men want sex all the time and will never rebuke a naked woman.

6. Sometimes the more social you are, the more alone you feel.

7. If you find someone who has 85% of the things you want in a mate, run don’t walk to the altar.

8. If you are always looking for the bigger better deal you might miss the person standing in front of you.

9. If the only reason you want to get married is to have a baby, consider going to a sperm bank.

10. If you are not good in social settings, think about alternative ways of trying to meet people.

11. You cannot be objective about a person you are romantically interested in.

12. You should only buy trendy clothes if the trends look good on you, otherwise you are doing yourself a disservice.

13. Never give up on love.

14. Girls love to obsess over men. They love to call a half dozen friends and repeat the same story over and over to get different reads on the circumstance. They continue to do this until they hear an interpretation that they like.

15. Men like women who have something going on and who aren’t waiting by the door when they walk in. Its good to be independent and let a guy know that you have your own life but you also have room in that life for him.

WHY ARE MEN ATTRACTED TO CRAZY WOMEN?

A lot of women have been asking me why men seem to always be attracted to the crazy lune women and they pass over the stable grounded more normal ones. I would have to agree that I see this quite often indeed. I hear it all the time. Last week I spoke to guy on the phone, he told me he really wants to hire me but he is in a pseudo relationship right now that he is trying to end. I asked him about it. He said that they have great sex but she’s crazy and he knows it but the crazier she acts the more addicted he gets. He knows that he can’t marry a crazy girl which is why he is interested in hiring a matchmaker but he is having trouble getting her out of his system.

So… why is it?

I think that crazy translates into a bigger “chase” and if we take it back to the cavemen days, men love to chase. I think men find that crazy women keep them all kilter make them always work to have them, make them wonder what’s happening and somehow present the ultimate challenge.

You might then ask, should all women act crazy to get a man?

My answer would have to be no and yes. First, of course my answer is no—eventually men get over wanting a truly crazy lunatic woman. When does that happen- when they have really been put thru the ringer by a nutty woman, one they married or one they dated. Most men will experience that one awful time and then they will finally say they are finished, they need someone more normal.

So, it’s good to be normal. However, it good to “throw some crazy in”, meaning….

Wear sexier underwear then you usually do, or don't wear any underwear at all!
Grab your guy at a party, pull him into the stairwell and do something naughty and unexpected to him,
Don’t always be available when he asks you for plans,
Be mysterious sometimes about where you are going,
Don’t always be the one to give in during a fight.

In this way, you are wife material but a little exciting as well- you need to let those guys chase a bit, after all they still have some monkey in them!!

CHEMISTRY- SHOULD WE GIVE IT A SECOND CHANCE?

What do we think of giving someone a second chance, a second date to see if we missed something, some feeling, some connection the first time around?

I think most people are divided into two camps on this one.... One camp of people thinks that chemistry is either there or it's not, it's instantaneous and it can't grow. The other camp of people think that over time, someone can go from not having that "loving feeling" to having it if they become more comfy with the person, find that they have a lot of things in common with the person etc.

I have found that most men are in the former camp- it's either there or it's not for them- they either feel like they want to jump the girl's bone within the first 30 seconds of meeting them or game over. This might sound a little harsh- but a lot of guys really think about this way- they meet the girl, they think to themselves... "Could I possibly, on some day, in some universe have sex with this woman?" If the answer is yes or probably yes then he will notice other things about her- is she fun, is she smart, do they have things in common etc. But if his answer is no, he usually doesn't get to know the full package because he doesn't see it going anywhere and most guys are not looking for new friends.

Women on the other hand, tend to be more patient in the chemistry department- they might initially think that the guy is unattractive or not sexual attractive to them, but then a woman can have a conversation with the guy- she might find him funny or smart or that they have a lot in common and then all of a sudden she looks up from her bite of spaghetti and she will see that same guy now as a cute guy, a guy she could actually kiss. I hear this again and again from women. Sometimes, of course, it doesn't matter how interesting a person is, you just might not have the urge to jump in the sack with them.

Now what about giving someone a second date chance? What if the first date was just okay, does a second date make sense? I usually advise my clients who are on the fence about a second date to go- it can't hurt and sometimes first dates are difficult. Plus, I have had two couples get married after I insisted that they go on a second date even though one of them was vehemently saying he or she didn't want to go. I pushed (I can be very convincing!) they went and low and behold, with a little vino and some good conversation, feelings changed and they found that they did in fact feel that chemistry between them.

And another thing I recommend when someone is on the fence.... go in for the kiss.... Sometimes, a kiss is just a kiss but sometimes a kiss can rock your world and you can find yourself so super attracted to someone because of it. So... I tell people who are iffy about someone, to try one kiss- maybe it will do the trick...

Thoughts?

DATING ETIQUETTE QUESTION- TEXT OR PHONE CALL?

Question---

Guy goes out on a pseudo date with a girl- maybe it was a date, maybe it was a friendship thing, it was unclear. They go to dinner, drinks, a fun time had by both.

Next day, girl wants to say thank you, after all that's the polite thing to do.

So.... the question--- text message or phone call?

Let's evaluate.... text message- it gets the job done but in a passive more girl-like way; phone message- a possibility but a little more forward, a little more guy like behaviour.

I vote for the text message however, some guys have been saying otherwise.

Comments??????

CHOOSING A WIFE...

SO FUNNY----
Choosing a wife
>
>
>A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
>
>The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon
>gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very
>nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more
>attractive for him because she loves him so much.
>
>The man was impressed.
>
>The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set
>of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive
>clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent
>all the money on him because she loves him so much.
>
>Again, the man is impressed.
>
>The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several
>times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the
>remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for
>their future because she loves him so much.
>
>Obviously, the man was impressed.
>
>The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the
>money he'd given her.
>
>Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
>
>Men are like that, you know.
>
>There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today
>than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be
>a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and
>absolutely no recollection of what to do with them !!!!!

Thoughts?

Dana Reeves- a love story for all time

Dana Reeves died Monday at the age of 44. What a woman! Her dedication to her husband Christopher Reeves was unparalleled; she was courageous and strong. She supported and loved her husband unlike many people would have been able to do. And after she saw him through all of his treatment, their heartache, and his death, she was much too soon diagnosed therafter with lung cancer which she succumbed to on Monday night. As I said what a woman.

We all look for someone who will stay with us, be by our side in sickness or in health till death do us part. But do we really get that today? Do single people today get married for the long haul? Do people of our generation actually get married and plan to stick around for better or for worse? Or do people of our generation look at the ease of getting a divorce as an escape route that makes its all the more palatable? How did our generation change so dramatically to a generation that runs away when the chips are down?

And how does someone find a partner like Dana Reeves? She was one of a kind but I hope not one of her kind. I know I would like a partner with the characteristics she embodied, wouldn’t you???

ROMANCE AT THE OSCARS...

So another Oscar night came and went. Most people pay attention to the movies and winners, some pay attention to the fashion, and I pay attention to the romance. And boy was romance abound this year…

Even though there were no romantic comedies nominated for awards, there was still romance everywhere. All types of romance.

There were overt romantic gestures--the romantic gesture of the Desperate Housewives giving a heartfelt good luck wish to Felicity Huffman via satellite on the red carpet, there was George Clooney reminding us when he won his Oscar that he was voted the Sexiest man alive in People magazine in 1997, there was romantic vintage Dior dress that Reese Witherspoon was wearing that was a real honest to goodness original.

There were the Hollywood power couples like Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw, William H Macy and Felicity Huffman who never looked better sitting front and center.

And there was young Hollywood but just as visible like Heath Ledger and his co star on and off screen a vision in yellow Michelle Williams and gorgeous Jessica Alba and Cash Warren.

Then there was furtive romance, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, all lovey Dovey in a corner booth at the Vanity Fair after party, Vince Vaughn playing protective Mother Hen when he met up with his gal and Oscar presenter Jen Aniston.

And lastly we had the sexy single bachelors , the men any girl would die to have- Jake Gillenhal, Jamie Foxx, and of course George Clooney. Who do we think will ultimately land George Clooney????

HEY MR 40’S GUY…. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS????

So I met with a new male client yesterday, he is 43, and what a refreshing change, he actually wants a woman close to his age. And no, he‘s not divorced nor has he already had kids. He just has realized that he has more in common with women his age than women who are substantially younger. And being the evolved and educated man that he is, he is not hung up on the biological time clock of a woman because he trusts the data that has been coming forth that women can have children well into their 40’s.

I know, I know, the “non evolved man” will argue this point and say that yes maybe women can have kids in their 40’s but maybe they can’t and why should they take a chance. I see the logic there as well.

However…. Think about this…. Let’s say you are a guy in your 40’s who seems your age, meaning if you polled 100 objective people and asked them how old you were, and these people were objective and not your friends who like to kiss your ass, these 100 people would say that you seem like a guy in your 40’s not younger at all. Now that doesn’t mean that you might not look younger than 40 but how you act, your demeanor and your interests all scream 40’s. Now, let’s say you’re that guy… You tell everyone you want to date a girl in her late 20’s or early 30’s. Why? Because you say you are more attracted to them, you have more in common with them and you don’t feel biological time clock pressure coming from them. Okay, that’s a fair answer, its your opinion, but did you ever stop and think about whether these girls are truly attracted to you, or is the attraction one sided?

Living in NY, you might be able to find a girl in her late 20’s or early 30’s who is still in that “I like free meals” phase who will give you a one shot chance at a date. But if you, Mr. 40’s guy are really honest with yourself, how many of those dates turn into second dates or more importantly into relationships. Now don’t rationalize that you didn’t like them anyway, be honest, how many? If you are the guy I am describing, probably not that many.

Moreover, are you that guy who trolls the teeny bobber parties? Meaning everyone else looks like they fit in, you distinctly look like YOU DON’T FIT IN. You might rationalize that you have a younger friend who is bringing you to the party so you are welcome there but you still can’t take away from the fact that you really don’t fit in there and that if you were completely honest with yourself, you know a lot of people are whispering about you and making fun of you for being there and for trying to rob the cradle.

I don’t mean to be harsh. But maybe its time to smell the roses….Maybe its time to become like my new client- evolved and most importantly realistic. Yes, being with a hot young girl might be nice but is it worth it to keep waiting and waiting for a young hottie to like you as you get older and older and older and stay alone? Perhaps, it would be better to be with an older hottie- women close to your age can be very hot- many of them are at the absolute prime of their life. Think about it—maybe its time to consider some other women as possible contenders for yourself!

MUSTACHES... COOL OR NOT COOL?

The mustache question came up because My Name is Earl has become a popular show. Do we think Jason is hot????





-----------------
DATING GURU DISSES THE MUSTACHE - AM NY, February 17, 2006
--------------------

BY Lauren Johnston
amNY.COM STAFF WRITER

amNY.com sat down with dating expert Samantha Daniels - founder of the matchmaking service Samantha's Table - for her thoughts on the mustache. Here's what she had to say:


Q: Do you get much feedback on the mustache from female clients now that it's making a comeback?
A: When I talk about facial hair with a woman, nine times out of ten she says she would be open to a beard, a goatee or a scruff, but not a mustache. I hear almost across the board that women don't like it. So I would say, that if it's on its way back, the men have an uphill battle.


Q: What's wrong with them?
A: A lot of women, especially in New York, just don't seem to feel that the mustache is "in."


Q: So are men hurting their dating odds by growing a mustache?
A: I think if you're really serious about dating and getting into a relationship, you want to put your best foot forward. If having a mustache hinders you, then I don't think you should have one. I would never tell someone to get rid of it just because I said so, but I would like men to know that women are not that keen on it right now.


Q: Is there anyone who can pull off a mustache?
A: If he's a really handsome guy and he also has the mustache - then I think women rationalize and think, 'Well, it kind of makes him look cool.' But if it's a guy that's not that attractive and then on top of that he has a mustache -- if the guy is relying on the mustache to give him looks - then I don't think so.


Q: Is there any guy you think looks sexy with a mustache?
A: Tom Selleck. He was a handsome, charming guy. He had that cool way about him. It was like his mustache was there, but you didn't even see it because it was part of the whole package and that's the way it needs to be.

_____________________________________________________________

SO ROMANTIC....

MITZVAH FOR HOLOCAUST SURVIVOR By DEVIN SMITH and RITA DELFINER (NY Post)


February 16, 2006 -- The latest scene in a fairytale love story that began at a Nazi concentration camp when a starving 12-year-old met a brave girl plays out today at a Long Island synagogue.
Herman Rosenblat, now 76, will celebrate his bar mitzvah and Roma Rosenblat, 73, his wife of 48 years, will be at his side.
Roma was only 9 years old when she risked her life for months to smuggle him food at Schlieben munitions factory in Germany — and met him again 14 years later on a blind date in New York.
Their story is set to become a motion picture called "The Fence."
When Rabbi Anchelle Perl of Congregation Beth Sholom Chabad in Mineola saw the Rosenblats interviewed on TV for Valentine's Day, he called to ask Herman to if he had been bar mitzvahed.
"I was so involved in making a living I never thought of it," Herman said.
At Schlieben one night, his late mom "came to me in a dream and said, 'I'm sending you an angel.' "
The next day "I saw a girl through the fence. I whispered, 'Do you have anything to eat?' "
She threw food over the fence for seven months.
Years later in New York, Herman, who had his own television-repair business, said a reluctant "yes" to a friend who asked him to go on a blind date. It was Roma.

HOW ROMANTIC IS THAT????????????????????????

Last minute Valentine's Day advice

MINIMIZE YOUR EXPECTATIONS!!!!!!!!!!

If you expect less, you will be pleasantly surprised.

No matter what you get as a gift, be gracious and say thank you. You can evaluate it, pick it apart with your friends or hate it later. If you don't you might be sorry.

Don't judge your valentine if he or she cannot be as mushy gushy as you would like. Mushy gushy takes time.

Girls like mushy gushy, so do your best to do it tonight, its that kind of night.

Don't get upset or bothered by the Valentine's prices- expect it to be expensive!

Make sure to pay a compliment to your date even if she doesn't look good in your eyes; she is expecting it.

Don't bring a sleazy lingerie outfit for a girl you just started dating. If that was your plan, save it for another night, this could backfire!

Guys expect action on Valentine's Night. Yes, "that" kind of action! You don't have to be sleazy about it, but a little nooky is appropriate.

FROM NEWSDAY-- Shopping for Valentine's Day cards

SHOPPING FOR . . . Valentine's Day cards
by Samantha Daniels


February 12, 2006

The expert: Samantha Daniels, celebrity matchmaker who inspired the TV series "Miss Match," founder of Samantha's Table Matchmaking, author of "Matchbook: The Diary of a Modern-Day Matchmaker."

The product: Valentine's Day cards

What I want: More than just friends? Don't pick a card that says "to a great friend." Likewise, if you're not lovers your card shouldn't say "to my honey."

I must have: In a newer relationship go the humor route (something universally funny, not just satisfying your personal sense of humor) and not so sappy. A card that has room to write something personal; people appreciate more what you write on your own than what's prewritten.

What I hate: Having to read each and every card; stores should offer more subcategories.

Savvy shopper: Don't wait 'til Feb. 14; cards are always picked over and you can never find what you want. Go to an actual card store, not a small store that sells lingerie and carries four cards. Oh, a piece of advice regarding the gift: It's OK to get a gift that's practical, but make sure you add a sentimental touch: One year my best friend was given a hair dryer, no card. The guy gave it because he wanted to hint that she should spend more time at his place and he didn't already own one. All my friend saw was a piece of electronic gear. They broke up over it. Moral of the story: Be sweet and verbal on Valentine's Day.

My pick: Shoebox Greetings start at $1.99 and have a good variety, and they're written in a "more real" way, not as corny or absurd.

Next best thing: Ran out of time or can't get to a store? E-cards are terrific, creative and free; try Bluemountain.com.

ADVICE FOR THE FASHIONISTA

So, I went to a bunch of fashion shows this week and I saw this one guy around a lot- clearly straight, clearly not in the business and clearly scoping out the chicks. By the third time I saw him, I was curious about him, so I introduced myself. He told me that a PR friend of his, hooked him up so he could come to the shows because he wants to meet a woman to date. She told him that there would be a ton of pretty ones out and about during fashion week. I asked him how it was going (of course, after I told him that today was his lucky day because I was a matchmaker and that he should forget fashion shows, and realize I was the one who was holding the keys to the kingdom he is looking for!)

He said that, of course, there were tons of pretty girls, who might be available and who might want a guy but that they didn’t act that way at all. I looked him up and down- definitely a hot guy, definitely a successful looking guy- he had a white gold Rolex Daytona watch, a crisp white shirt, a Brioni cashmere blazer, a nice Camel overcoat, and supple leather gloves- he looked like a catch. These women are idiots, I thought immediately. He made a joke and said that it would be good if I could pass along some advice to the fashionistas so that in the future they wouldn’t miss a great guy like him standing right in front of them…

No problem!!! Clearly, the fashionistas are doing something wrong! Clearly they are giving off the wrong vibe! And it’s ironic because all I hear all the time, from all the fashion girls how difficult it is to meet a good guy. They constantly complain that they get to go to the coolest parties (their opinion) but all the men in attendance are gay or married so they wind up beautiful and alone because they can’t meet anyone. They say they see the same people all the time, and they say that their friends have already set them up with everyone they know. Then they beg me to set them up with someone great and straight!

The funny thing is these girls say they are dying to meet someone but then a guy like my client (yes, he signed up yesterday) comes around, a good looking guy (he really does look like Robert Downey Jr) , a successful guy, (he does make 7 figures) and an honest to goodness heterosexual guy and they ignore him or just don’t see him. So, here’s some advice for the fashionistas who claim that they would love to meet a great guy but never do so, for the girls who will be spending Valentine’s Day with another fashionista admiring their wardrobes and their photos on Wireimage instead of dining with an eligible guy at Gilt or Country…

1. Keep in mind that even at an event where most of the men are gay or unavailable there might always be that one guy who isn’t- and it only takes one.

2. Keep in mind that pretty girls are desired by men but are also intimidating to men; even to the most confident of men. Don’t stand in packs- just stand with one friend or alone so he will be able to approach if he wants to.

3. If a guy seems like he wants to approach, use body language, even just a smile to let him know that its okay to do so

4. Keep in mind that just because you are pretty doesn’t mean that guys are going to like you, you need to be welcoming and pretty.

5. Always be aware of your surroundings, because you never know who might be sitting next to you who might be a contender….

6. Do an honest self assessment and make an honest determination if the fashionista you is scaring away or turning off the men? Do you look too expensive and that makes a guy, any guy think you will be too high maintenance to handle?

7. Do you look untouchable because you are so decked out that it looks like if they lay a finger ron you, you will freak, break or get mussed? This is not good for dating.

8. Keep in mind that there is a time to be a fashion plate (the shows are a good time for that) and a time to be an attractive and also approachable woman (when you are specifically going out to meet men), make sure you dress accordingly for each occasion.

9. No more excuses about how you have to dress a certain way for your image; your image is fine. If meeting a man or getting married is a priority to you right now, you might have to tone down the designer duds in pursuit of love.

THE VACATION HOOKUP

Just came back from the Sundance film festival. It’s like summer camp. People party until 3 am, randomly hook up with people and make new best friends who they can’t live without in Utah and who they never talk to again back in their home town. While there, I became fascinated with the vacation hookup… I watched it unfold in Aspen over Christmas and New Years and I watched it continue in Sundance. Do we think that the vacation hookup can be anything other than a hookup? And I have been wondering why everyone is so comfortable randomly fooling around when they are on vaca. Or does this happen everywhere, all the time, and its just more pronounced on holiday?

Here are my thoughts… If you meet someone on vacation, you run into some stumbling blocks right away- you are probably traveling with a friend who you can’t ditch so then it becomes difficult to have a “proper date’ and becomes easier just to meet up later in the evening; well later in the evening implies sexual activities full stop. Secondly, you run into the person you meet on vacation every friggin’ place you go- you go to the bathroom in the ski lodge, there he is, waiting to pee too, you run into the bank to use the cash machine, he just did it too, you were invited to that super exclusive party, guess what so was he! So… it becomes like you are living with him, when you barely know him, its very different from when you live in your home town that is large and has lots going on and its very rare that you have random encounters. Third, what happens if you meet more than one interesting person on the vaca, how do you juggle especially when you run into both or all of them practically everywhere you go? And lastly, what happens if you meet this terrific person on day 1 of a 10 day vacation, does he or she become your boyfriend or girlfriend for the whole vacation? But if he or she doesn’t, he or she will probably wind up hating you because he or she will see you interacting with other people.

Vacation romance is harddddd!

So, here is some advice if you did have a vaca encounter and you are trying to salvage it….

Don’t hold what happened on vaca against the person unless he or she did something extraordinarily crappy to you like fooling around with your best friend the night after he or she fooled around with you, or he making out with another person right in your face.

Acknowledge that vaca romance is complicated and if the person reaches out when you get home, give him or her a chance in the normal environs- he or she might prove to be okay back home.

Realize when a vaca romance was only that, a fun holiday fling and don’t push something that you know deep down is not for you like a romance with a 25 year old player who is not looking for a relationship.

Don’t despair if your vaca romance didn’t amount to anything, be happy that you had a fun trip and be happy that it’s a new year, full of possibilities.

Thoughts?

Love, Hollywood style.

Love, Hollywood style.

Some would say that love in La la land is near impossible to maintain. The paparazzi follows your every move, the tabloids report mistruths that upset the romance applecart, and the temptation quotient is off the charts. However there are some quintessionial old time Hollywood couples who have bucked all the trends and who epitomize true Hollywood romance. What do these stars do differently than all the others, and why have their relationships been able to sustain the test of time? Let’s a take look at a few of your favorite Hollywood super couples who believe in love…

Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw- They met when Capshaw auditioned for a part in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. They married in 91, and have since had five children. Spielberg is one of the most prolific director/producers of our time and Capshaw is very supportive of his success. With her quiet elegance, she remains in the background, acting as a devoted cheerleader in all facets of Spielberg’s life. She even converted to Judaism early on to make family life more cohesive for their children. With five kids in the house, Capshaw wears the role of mother and wife more than as an actress these days and seems quite satisfied in that role. It seems that this marriage works because Spielberg and Capshaw have been able to find the perfect balance between home and Hollywood life and the perfect balance between the spotlight and staying behind the scenes. This couple respects one another and always makes time for family. As we can see from this couple, sometimes in Hollywood marriages, it’s best to have the ying and the yang.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver- A very unlikely couple who have proven that their marriage can successfully sustain the test of time. As is common knowledge by now, Shriver is from a very well known and staunchly Democratic family, while Schwarzenegger is a republican who grew up in working class family in Austria. Shriver was drawn to him because he could stand his ground with her family which was not surprising considering he was once dubbed the strongest man in America. They met in 1986, and married soon thereafter. They have 4 children together and both take family very seriously. Upon their marriage they were both working and high powered, but more recently Shriver has stepped down and has taken a back seat to Schwarzenegger’s governorship; she seemed to know instinctively that this was vital to their marriage. This couple truly knows how to support each other and make a marriage work.

Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins. They met in 1988 and have 2 children together, though they have never tied the knot. She acts and he acts and directs. And she is 12 years older than he is! They bond over their anti-war beliefs, they devotion to the family (Robbins drove to NY from LA on Sept 11 to be with Sarandon and the kids and to make sure that they were okay.). They seem to really respect each other and to have a deep connection that helps their relationship sustain the test of time.

Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks- Some would say that this couple is the perfect Hollywood couple. They first met in 1981 on the set of Bosom Buddies and then reunited on the set of Volunteers in 1985. They married in 1988, a first marriage for her and a second marriage for Hanks after his first wife had passed away. They have 2 kids together. Hanks is one of the most sought after male talents in all of Hollywood, Wilson seems to stick to more of the Indy projects and allows Tom to shine. Their ability to stay out of the limelight except when necessary is probably one of the key factors in keeping their marriage so strong.

Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn- a favorite Hollywood couple. They acted together in Overboard, fell in love but never got married and have been together forever and ever. They have one child together and 3 separately. Their low key attitude and mutual admiration seems to keep them together and on the right course.

Michael Douglas and Katherine Zeta Jones- They are the most elegant couple in Hollywood. They met at the Deauville Film festival in 1998, started dating in March of 99, got engaged New Years Eve of 99 and married in November of 2000. They share the same birthday although there is a 25 year age difference between them. And since 2000 they have had 2 children together. This glamour couple’s marriage seems to work because Douglas has already become a Hollywood icon so he can now sit back and although his wife’s star to shine. Sometimes when two people are vying for success and attention at the same time, egos get involved and things crash and burn. Douglas will always be famous and a box office topper, so he no longer need or cares about the press attention. He realizes that it’s his wife’s turn and you can tell that he is very proud and very supportive.

Some good rules...

1. Have an arsenal of backup dating conversation topics: where you last traveled, a funny childhood story, or your favorite new restaurant.

2. A man needs to know that a woman is willing to have children even though he doesn’t want her to be desperate to have them immediately. This is a fine line, learn to walk it well.

3. People who use dating services are not desperate, they are busy and desirous of getting married.

4. Men like women who go out on a flirtatious limb, and do something like send them is an unexpected email or take them for an evening out on the town.

5. Even beautiful sexy women get nervous before dates.

6. Always wear matching bras and underwear, you never know who is going to see them.

7. It doesn’t matter if a man can pick a great date place. At the end of the day it’s more important that he’s willing to go to the places you pick out since when you are married, women usually wind up making all the social plans.

8. Men who come from picture-perfect families can have very high expectations for their own relationships. Keep this in mind as you date and try to get this man to live in the present instead of his childhood past.

9. Men who come from divorced families are not always dysfunctional. A lot of times they want to have a better marriage than their parents had, and they will work harder for that.

10. Men like pretty, well-kept women, this is a fact. You need to do the very best with what you have.

11. You get invited, you go; that’s what my Grandmother taught me.

12. Answering your cell phone several times during a date is inappropriate. If you need to answer you phone, the polite thing to do is tell your date that you will need to do this at the beginning of the date so he or she doesn’t take it personally.

13. If you are in a bad mood, you are better off canceling the date.

14. If you are rude to wait-staff, your date will think it’s just a matter of time before you are equally rude to them.

DATING IN JANUARY...

Happy New Year.

I just got back from a very interesting and soap opera like vacation in Aspen Colorado. Stay tuned for several installments of Dating and Mating in Aspen this week and next...

But in the meantime… Some tips for getting back on the dating horse in January….

1. Go out even when it’s freezing outside but stay in the neighborhood- if you are feeling lazy you better believe other people are as well.

2. Organize interesting get-togethers during the winter months. There are not as many social events this time a year so you have to make your own fun.

3. Use the next few weeks of football playoffs and the Super Bowl as an excuse to socialize.

4. Remind people in your life that you are single and would like to have someone to cuddle up with, so they should keep you in mind.

5. Think about taking a ski vacation- 'tis the season and do something fun and outdoorsy is a great way to meet someone.

6. Go to a movie in the afternoon- in the winter people do this.

7. Try online dating – you know you have been thinking about doing it. If you are already doing it, redo your profile- give it a sprucing- if you say something different you might attract different people or think about trying a completely new site, they are plenty of them out there.

8. Walk to work on a different route- if you vary things up you might see new people.

9. Update your hairstyle, making a change, however so slight, this could shake things up a bit.

10. Cut bait with that guy or girl who has been lingering in your life and who you know is not right for you; it’s a new year, its time to move on.

11. Do something daring; you will feel like a new you!

12. Go to a party that you don’t want to go to, you might be surprised with who is there.

13. Make a new friend; friends are a great way of meeting new people of the opposite sex.

14. Call an old friend who you haven’t spoken to in awhile and make plans to see them. Connecting with someone from the past feels good and you might be surprised that they might know someone interesting for you.

15. Come out of the closet if you are gay- it’s about time, isn’t it?

16. Have sex in a new position or in a daring place- how exhilarating!